Real Live Lesbian

They didn't even have gravy...

2011-10-28T20:32:00.004-05:00

You may have missed that I spent a few weeks in Turkey. Right before the PKK events of late and the earthquake in the town of Van. I stayed in that town. Please send up a prayer for those people. The one thing that I always come back with is that wherever you go, people are just people.

We're travelers, not tourists. We go down the back roads and buy from old ladies selling dirty grapes. Sat with the men drinking tea in the middle of the day. We drank a lot of tea. We shook so many hands, that I started calling my uncle, The Senator.

I missed my new puppy, who is still very much so. And everywhere I looked, there she was! We thought she was a pure bred Tennessee Brown Dog, but no. She may not be a pure bred Turkish Kangal or Anatolian Shepherd. But she is certainly related. She's just not as tired from herding sheep all day. She's more of a "catch rain in my snoot" kind of girl.

I have lots of stories that I'm itching to tell. And little time to tell them. But I did want to pop in and say hello, is it me you're looking for?

The New Addition

2011-04-01T18:40:00.003-05:00

With great sadness, we had to let our Trace Jeanell go to the Rainbow bridge about 10 days ago. The next day, Isaac was grief striken. He would barely look at me. I knew what had to be done.

We three piled into the car and headed to the places around here that have puppies. Cute, fuzzy butted ones. The first place only had big puppies. We wanted a little one.

The second place was loud. One lady pointed at Isaac, nearly scaring him to death that she was going to take him with her.

Then we saw her. She was asleep and seemed so gentle and laid back. Not at all like her yelping, biting and crazy wild sister.

Taylor Rene is a liar.

Mardi Gras Did It or Maybe It Wasn't Her Fault

2011-03-08T19:27:00.002-06:00

The first task on my new assistant's "to do" list was to find a contractor in Louisiana. Today it finally dawned on me why she can't find anyone that can think straight for five minutes.

Mardi Gras.

I may have been too hard on her. Her desk was a hot mess yesterday, but this morning everything was filed and in folders. Perhaps she's one of those people that works in disarray. I'm giving her until Friday and then I'll make a decision. (AKA: Cheeky Monkey and Lynette are probably right.)

Dana, I'd hire you in a hot second. But the commute will suck.

I Need A Crystal Ball

2011-03-05T10:15:00.002-06:00

So, I hired the woman. One week in and she's screwed up more than I could possibly have imagined. And I know one week isn't long, but what I asked her to do wasn't that complicated.

Instead of helping me, she ended up creating fires that I had to put out.

Do I fire her now or do I give her more time to acclimate?

Man v. Woman

2011-02-18T18:04:00.004-06:00

Monday morning, I'm hiring my first underling. Assistant, I mean. We've finally gotten to the point where the five of us can no longer handle everything that goes on. And frankly, I'm everybody's bitch.

Looks like they've noticed that I'm going to need my own bitch. RLL's bitch.

I have two candidates that have made it through to interview with me. One man. One woman. Both equally qualified.

Monday, I'll interview them and pick a favorite. Thing is, I have no idea how to choose unless I ask a bunch of weird questions and find out who is more detail oriented, loves Chinese food and is willing to work 24/7. Because last night as I was brushing my teeth before bed, my cell buzzed and I came down to my computer to put out a fire.

Here's hoping next time, I have my own bitch to catch the fireballs for me!

Stubble and Gonads

2011-02-17T18:53:00.002-06:00

I have a buddy at work. She's a tad younger, straight and quite the hottie. She's NEVER kissed a girl, despite my objections to this oversight on her part. I think you should try everything once...maybe twice, just to be sure.

How do you know you don't like kissing women if you've never kissed one?

That's when she asked, "Why don't you like kissing men?"

Frankly, I haven't kissed one in a while, so I had to remember. And then it hit me like a porcupine. Stubble. You just cannot avoid it with men. It's always growing and you will be stubbled.

Women are soft. Smooth. And luscious.

I forget sometimes why I love women so much. But after she asked why I didn't like men, it all came rushing back. Whiskers and balls. Enough said.

Earworm for the weekend.

2011-02-05T10:58:00.000-06:00

I guarantee that you will not be able to get this out of your head for quite awhile.

Boobies and Kittens - watch more funny videos

You are welcome.

Psst. Here I am.

2011-02-01T21:28:00.003-06:00

Yes, the ONE, the ONLY....

REAL LIVE LESBIAN.

Let's see. What's been up? Last week, I lay dying with the flu, after contracting and enjoying strep throat for the entire week before. Then it turned into bronchitis. I sound a bit like Brenda Vacarro, which used to be cool, but young folk have no idea who she is. I'm on my third round of antibiotics and I may be addicted to codeine cough syrup, but I don't care. Hey...if you have a contact on the black market...let me know. I'm down to my last refill.

My Love ROCKS. And tongues NEVER get stuck around here. I promise, start with a nice, slow back rub and that won't happen to you.

Around the house: We've put in an aggregate driveway. We have mud for a yard. Very expensive mud, too. Not that cheap mud that's right under the grass. We had this mud BROUGHT in. Brand new mud. The exterior of the house has been painted. Honestly, it's turning into the Log-majal. Mickey-T and Phfrankie Bondo (my only blog visitors so far) wouldn't even recognize the place!

My job. I prayed for a fantastic job that was challenging. I got it. Just got back from having three Tanqueray and Tonics with a co-worker on the company credit card. We laugh so hard that we cry. Regularly. It's a dream.

BUT, I get home and I'm tired. And I just want to have some wine and eat the dinner that my Love has cooked for me. I know. I suck. But I'll try to stop by and make it look like my blog again.

Do I have anything to say? Nah, but you don't really care, do you?

Excuse me while I butt in here...

2011-01-31T11:33:00.000-06:00

Since RLL seems to be taking an extended break from her duties around here, and I still have access to her blog, (security alert! warning Wil Robinson!) I thought this place could use a space filler.

And what better space filler than a wonderful cartoon I just was sent!

ECHO - Echo - echo

2011-01-24T15:00:00.001-06:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

Don't get too excited, it's just me, but I'm hoping if I publicly shame Lynn on her own blog she'll update us on her life. She has clearly been BMIA (blogger missing in action).

Think we can do it?? Maybe if I include a little temptation??

C'mon y'all! Chime in with a comment and let's see if we can guilt her enough that she gives us a little sum'n-sum'n ...

~*~*~

Grace and Generosity

2010-12-28T11:30:00.007-06:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

One of the things I love about the holiday season (loosely defined as the week before Thanksgiving through the New Year) is the abundance of grace and generosity.

It seems that, with few exceptions, grace and generosity become almost common place during the holiday season.

People give, unconditionally, to others - even strangers.

Judgment is replaced with empathy.

People think of others a little more, and themselves a little less.

I hate to see it end.

What a different place this world would be if, for the other 46 weeks of the year, we practiced grace and generosity just a fraction as much as we do during the holiday season.

~*~*~

Merry Christmas Ya'll!

2010-12-23T14:32:00.001-06:00

Hope your Christmas is Merry and Bright! Or warm and sandy!

FROZEN Sardines in NYC!

2010-12-20T19:12:00.002-06:00

Okay, first off...DAMN it's cold up there! But after you get past that, it was wonderful. Thanks to Vinny, we had the best pizza in the city at John's!

We saw Wicked and Jersey Boys on Broadway, where my Southern Belle Mom learned some new words. And she loved it even though it had some "language" in it.

We rode for an hour in a horse and carriage in Central Park and for thankfully few minutes from Broadway back to the hotel in that bike contraption up there. We asked him 14 times, "Are you SURE we can all fit in there?" "YES, just turn your knees out, and you scrunch in" and poof we were in there under a nice warm blanket with a heated seat! That dude had to be sore the next day after hauling us around!

We bought staggeringly expensive matching Christmas ornaments on 5th Avenue. Talked to tons of super sweet cops and natives for good eating places and directions. Honestly, I didn't meet the first rude New Yorker. Everyone was beyond nice and as friendly as they could be!

But most of all, I'm so grateful that I could make a dream of my Mom's come true. She's always wanted to go to New York for Christmas!

P.S. I'm lucky that I have the best bosses in the world that said, "GO! Take her and take off as long as you need." They paid me even though I was out of vacation time, bonused me triple what my old job would have, gave me the next two weeks off AND told me that they LOVE me and are grateful that I work for THEM! Wow, am I blessed!

Men Don't Make Passes

2010-12-14T08:00:00.003-06:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

I picked up my new geeky-chic glasses on Saturday.

They are a stretch for me.

They scream, "LOOK AT MY FACE!" and that is terrifying in my world.

I changed my blogger, twitter and facebook avatars to the new look and got very positive, complimentary feedback. I allowed myself to feel good about the new look - maybe it really was OK to be me.

Then it happened.

A direct message* from someone I know. Someone I care about. Someone whose opinion matters to me:

"Tell Dana to change her picture. It's cute, but the lighting makes it look like she has a mustache"

Let me share a secret with all of you. Any time I hear "[Insert favorite compliment], BUT [Insert critical statement]" what I hear is "Blah, blah, blah ... Dana has a mustache."

I was hurt (still am or I wouldn't be writing this). I looked at the picture - a picture I was comfortable with (a HUGE accomplishment for me) and all I could think was that everyone had been lying to me - laughing behind my back - saying, "Dana thinks she looks cute but it looks like she has a mustache. Let's not tell her so that we can keep laughing at her."

When I communicated my hurt, I got:

"And let me tell ya Mizz Thang...How many people saw the same thing and didn't say anything...c'mon you know me better than that"

Ahhhh ... confirmation! Validation! ... and people think I'm crazy.

Now, in all fairness, I know (without a doubt) that this conversation was meant to be helpful. This wasn't someone who was trying to cut me down, trying to make me feel bad about myself.

It was constructive criticism. It was like the friend who tells you about a glaring grammatical error in your post because they don't want you to be embarrassed. It was meant to be helpful.

I took it far too personally. It hurt like hell.

I airbrushed the photo. I softened it. I played with the highlights and low lights. I adjusted the shadow. I did everything I could in hopes everyone would stop laughing at me behind my back. I tried to make it "acceptable." **The picture shown is the "fixed" photo**

I sold out ... and I hate that I am not confident enough to say, "Screw you! I'm fine just the way I am!"

Maybe some day.

*These messages were private messages, not sent to a public forum. I reprinted them (as written) here, but out of context. I didn't do this to make the person look bad, but to help you understand how my brain heard them.

~*~*~

NEW YORK CITY???!!!!

2010-12-09T07:03:00.004-06:00

Yesterday, I was planning a trip for next Christmas. Just me and my mom. She's always wanted to go to New York to see it decorated for Christmas. Neither of us have ever been.

As I was sitting at my desk talking to my Dad, my uncle came in and heard what I was planning for next Christmas. "Lisa's going next week and doesn't have anybody to go with her. Why don't you two go with her. She has VIP tickets to the Nate Berkus Show."

We leave next Wednesday! New York wasn't even on my radar for places to go, but frankly, I get excited going around the corner.

Anybody got any suggestions of shows, places, stuff not to miss?

HERE COME THE COUNTRY MICE!

All I Want For Christmas

2010-12-07T07:00:00.002-06:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

Do you remember writing that annual letter to Santa? The magic of wanting a single gift - more than you wanted anything ever before - and having it appear under the tree Christmas morning?

I was a Lego kid. Back in the day (40 years ago) Legos were at the top of the construction toy heap, with Erector Sets and Lincoln Logs (yes, they used to be wood) following close behind.

My mom desperately wanted a pink, frilly dress, princess-like little girl. Instead, she got me - a little girl who wanted nothing more than her carpenter daddy to be proud of her. A little girl who spent hours and hours building homes and neighborhoods with Legos.

I still love Legos. If I see them I must build.

Legos have come a long way since the traditional red, yellow, blue and white cubes I grew up with. I came across this while doing a little on-line Christmas shopping.

Yes, I am actually considering buying this and putting it under the tree ... for me!

What childhood toy did you love? Is there one that could still make you smile from ear to ear if you found it under your tree on Christmas morning this year?

~*~*~

Yes You Do....

2010-12-03T19:22:00.001-06:00

A Picture Speaks ...

2010-11-16T06:00:00.002-06:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

Being that I am somewhat of an information junky, one of the things I really enjoy is my CNN news feed. Often times there are little bits of news that I never hear or read anywhere else. Yesterday I came across THIS article.

Jeff Sheng has spent the last two years on his "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" exhibit - photographic stories of the gay and bisexual men and women who serve in the U.S. military. And because his subjects are forced to keep their sexual orientations under wraps in order to serve, Sheng's photos are portraits without faces.

Think about that for a moment. The men and women who serve this country - who lay their own lives on the line to protect our rights - must hide their faces.

There was a time, not too long ago, when I questioned the wisdom of repealing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," but seeing Sheng's photography, thinking about what it means, and remembering my own struggles with my sexuality while serving in the military, I cannot justify anything other than a repeal.

I look at these photos and know that these men and women deserve better than what we've given them.

~*~*~

Out...I've GOT to get OUT

2010-11-06T05:49:00.004-05:00

This weekend is "Thanksgiving" with the in-laws, since they are in town. Stress. And why I'm cleaning at 4am on a Saturday before heading to the gym.

But NEXT weekend is the annual "Girls Weekend at the Lodge!" Four years in a row. The core group never changes. Six lesbians.

We all met at the local lesbian bar one night and well, the rest is history.

Last time we were there we played Guitar Hero the entire time. That's just how we roll. A bunch of teenagers trapped in adult bodies. Relaxing. PJs. Great food. Laughing until you're crying. Lying on your back looking up at the Milky Way on a clear night, freezing half to death.

Here's hoping there are a few golden leaves left next weekend!

Nope!

2010-11-02T07:00:00.002-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

Today, I am NOT doing something that I haven't NOT done in quite some time (How's that for a triple negative?). I am NOT going to vote.

This is a BIG deal for me. I feel voting is a civic responsibility - a right we are given that we are obligated to carry out - and I am NOT going to do it.

Why?

Call it cynicism. Call it a personal protest. Call it being irresponsible. I really don't care. I am FED UP with politics, politicians and people.

I have read quite a few disturbing blog posts, comments and tweets where people seem to think the process of voting - of walking into the polling place and pushing a button - is what is important. They brag that they intend to "piss off" the other party - that they would NEVER consider a candidate from the other party. They see elections as some freakish opportunity to "stick it" to people who may think differently than they do.

That is NOT what voting should be about.

Honestly? I think there should be some sort of pretest for voting. A set of questions that you must answer 70% correctly in order to move on to the actual voting process. I'd even be willing to go multiple choice.

The questions wouldn't have to be difficult. Here in Illinois they could ask things like "Name three of the six candidates for U.S. Senator" or "What elected office would be impacted by the proposed Illinois Constitutional Amendment?"

Hell, they could even do a fill-in-the-blank test giving you the names of 10 candidates that you must identify as R, D or neither R nor D.

In Illinois I am saddled with impossible choices - voting for the people I think might be the least corrupt (which isn't saying a whole hell of a lot).

Quite frankly, I don't like any of the "viable" (i.e. Republican or Democrat)
candidates - my vote would likely be along party lines because everyone sucks equally - and I take huge issue with ANYONE (including me) voting party lines just because they don't want the other side to win.

Get a grip people. Voting should NOT be about showing up at your polling place and getting an "I voted" sticker so you can take a picture of it and post it on twitter. It should NOT be about looking at a ballot, shrugging your shoulders and pushing the button for R or D rather than for the candidate and their platform.

I am NOT voting today. Are you?

*EDIT* After much thought, and a little prodding, I decided to vote on the SINGLE "non-candidate" issue on my ballot - an Amendment to the Illinois Constitution. There was a LONG line at the polling place with a 45 minute wait. I watched at least 10 people look at the line, then turn around and walk out.

~*~*~

Hard On

2010-10-29T16:18:00.003-05:00

If I could marry a vacuum, it would be this one. I just named him Harrison and used him for the first time. Oh. My.

My. My. My.

I already have a Dyson and yeah, it was fantastic in it's day. Four years ago. But this new Dyson DC-28 Animal with AirMuscle technology. Mmmmm. Quiet and smooth. Picked up even more than the old Dyson that had just done the same job. Yeah, I'm loving him.

I feel like I bought a new sports car. And frankly, I think the lady at the UPS store where I had to go sign for it would have come home with me if I'd asked her. She was that hot for my new vacuum.

Is It That Important?

2010-10-26T07:00:00.001-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

There seems to be a bit of an odd theme going on here at Lynn's place - first there was my Ashes to Ashes post where I talked about creative funeral/cremation plans. Recently Lynn talked about how she wanted to be remembered at her funeral.

You'd think we were both over 40 and that feeling of invincibility was waning or something. Well yes, as a matter of fact ...

Here's a question for all of you though, have you considered what will happen to all of your online accounts? Your blog? Your twitter account? Facebook? What about all of the URL's and passwords for your banking/financial accounts??

Me? I'd never considered it until I received a BzzAgent invitation to explore Otrib's Final Wishes Service.

Otrib is an interesting (for lack of a better word) website. It allows you to add a facebook app that gives you a life status indicator on your profile, real-time death notification to all connections and a dedicated tribute page with memorial service, donation information and guestbook ... all for free.

With registration, and a few minutes of your time, you can name an heir for your digital assets, describe how your facebook account should be managed upon your death and help your next of kin save time and money by automatically sending out death notice to friends and family and creating a tribute page / interactive online obituary.

Hmmmm ... I'm not so sure I want my obituary broadcast on facebook ... but it's an interesting idea.

If you are concerned about more than your facebook account, you can explore Legacy Locker.

Legacy Locker offers a free basic plan (3 assets, 1 beneficiary and 1 "legacy letter") or annual ($29.99)/lifetime ($299.99) paid plan options that include unlimited assets, unlimited beneficiaries, unlimited legacy letters, enabled document backup and enabled video upload.

Honestly? I don't see a need for either of these. They seem somewhat self-important and self-absorbed. I can understand providing beneficiaries with URL's and passwords for banking/financial accounts (I'm fairly certain they could be included in a will), but a self-designed tribute page on facebook seems ... well ... *shakes head*

What do you think? Would you use either of these services?

~*~*~

My Funeral

2010-10-24T05:09:00.002-05:00

And here you have it. I'm not dying and I don't plan on skipping out anytime soon. BUT, please when you bury me and do the whole "let's look at her dead and say how great she looks," just don't.

I hate funerals. HATE them.

Tell stories about me. Laugh. No black. Sorry, I know how much some of you love black...it is slimming, but no. You can't wear it to my funeral.

If you didn't bother to call me or stop by during the last year of my life, don't show up at my damn funeral. I wouldn't have done it to you, which is why I don't go to that many. Don't come for my family if you didn't know me. Take them to dinner or out shopping in the months after I'm gone when they're sad.

I'd like some party balloons, no funeral homes. Purple and lime green? Red and cream? Pink and orange? Lots of flowers and yeah, they'll be gone in a week but at that moment, they'll be beautiful!

I don't care if you bury me, cremate me, or float me out on a flaming viking boat and serve shots. I'm dead. I promise, I won't care.

What I do want you to do is remember me and enjoy those memories while you're gathered together with my friends. Oh, and turn on that Ghost Radar app on my ipod. I'm definitely going to say hello from the other side!

Happy Friday with some BEAUTIFUL Body Paint

2010-10-15T09:22:00.007-05:00

All images are from CanvasAlive.com by Pashur, who oddly enough started right here in Nashville as a caricature artist at Opryland. Amazing work!

Roscoe

2010-10-13T21:30:00.002-05:00

Today, I ran out to grab lunch for the work crew. I pull into Arby's, order, drive up to the window and there's a dog lying in the drive-thru lane. RIGHT in front of me. Just one car length up...as if he had to wait on his fresh, hot fries to come out.

Jokingly, I said, "Did I win a free dog?" thinking that he had been dropped off and left to fend for himself.

"Oh, that's just Roscoe he lives up in the subdivision." Then he yells towards the back, "HEY, Roscoe's here."

"He comes by every once in a while and we give him some Roast Beef and Au Jus."

I watched as I waited on our order. The manager immediately walked out with two bowls of roast beef. Roscoe got up from the drive-thru and walked over to the grass to enjoy his lunch.

Nicely done, Roscoe. Way to train some folks!

Welcome To My World

2010-10-13T04:20:00.000-05:00

Mark, the window guy as he tromps mud onto my clean floor: "We have two dogs. One's a poodle type of dog. Poodle dogs are smart. The smartest dogs in the world. This here's a nice dog, too."

Me: "Yeah, Isaac is a sweetheart."

Bubba walks in.

Mark: "Bubba, what kind of dog is Turd?"

Is Tolerance Our Best?

2010-10-12T09:00:00.001-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

Yesterday was National Coming Out Day - a day managed by the Human Rights Campaign to not only encourage the LGBT community to speak up (and out) for who they are, but to get ALL people to talk about their support for equality at home, at work and in their communities.

Throughout the news and the cyber world, I kept seeing and hearing reference to tolerance. We need to have tolerance for the LGBT community. We need to have tolerance for those who lead a different lifestyle than we do. We need to have tolerance, not hate.

I disagree.

Merriam-Webster defines tolerance as:

sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one's own.

Sympathy? Indulgence? Wow! Really?

As a society, we've kind of come to an acceptance of tolerance. We've set it as the goal we should all strive to meet. I think we can do better than tolerance.

I don't want to be tolerated in spite of my differences, I want to be celebrated for ALL that I bring to the table.

I don't want people to have sympathy for my sexual orientation, or to allow me to indulge in my sexual preferences. That reeks of needing their permission.

I don't want their permission - I don't want their tolerance - I want their acceptance.

At some point, society lost the true definition of acceptance and began defaulting to tolerance. There seems to be this underlying fear that if we accept people in spite of their sexual orientation (or race, or religion, or gender, or any other difference) that we somehow lessen the pride we have regarding of our own sexual orientation (or race, or religion, or gender, or any other difference).

It's crazy.

I suppose tolerance is a start, but I think we should set the bar higher - much higher.

~*~

A special thanks to Emmy at Right Turn Without Signaling for her Tolerance post yesterday that served as an inspiration for this post.

~*~*~

Suicide....and Goodbye

2010-10-08T07:01:00.002-05:00

It's not that one thing that someone said THAT day. It's not one thing. I can't speak for everyone, but I can speak for me. For 25 years, I lived a lie. Not a big lie. But a thousand little lies.

At 16, "Do you have a boyfriend?" "No." It lead them to think that something was wrong with me, because I didn't date.

I lied about my sexuality, which lead me to lie about where I was going and with whom. I lied and lied and lied and lied. I lied about where I went on vacation. I lied about who I lived with. I lied about who I loved.

Then there are the people who are mean in this world. I can't blame them. Some people are entertained by fat kids or people who are different. Some people are just mean to be mean. I don't blame them, just because I don't have a thick skin. Maybe they thought they were helping to develop my tolerance for mean people that I would encounter when I grew up.

It didn't work. Even today, I don't tolerate mean people. My friends joke that I'm intolerant of intolerance. I don't like mean girls. I don't like people who are entertained at the expense of others. And I don't let them in my life anymore. That took a long time. It's too easy for some of us to be nice and just lie down like a doormat over and over and over.

"Grow some balls." No, I won't. Because then I'm not me anymore. I am sensitive and I'd rather be that way than ballsy and mean.

I've heard of too many people lately that have taken their lives. It's a shame. I wish I could show them what's around the next corner. There are many wonderful people in this world who will love you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. You just have to live long enough to find them all.

I don't lie anymore. My family knows that I love My Love. My work peeps know her and love her. My uncle FaceTimes her. My mother ADORES her and calls her "my second daughter." She'll hug and kiss her every time she sees her, which is almost daily.

If you see someone in a lie, don't out them. Don't be mean. Don't gossip.

Love them. Love them the way they are right now. Tell them that you love the real them, not the lie them. Love is the only thing in this world that matters one little bit.

Santa Likes All Of Us

2010-10-08T06:52:00.002-05:00

I was talking to an old friend of mine, who's one of those guys that LOVES to entertain and make you laugh. I was telling him about some land that I want and how I'd asked Santa for it.

"I've been wanting it for quite a while now. I even asked Santa for it. And I've been a very good girl!"

"Honey, Santa likes bad girls, too. Really, really bad girls. Filthy girls. That whole good girl thing is a LIE!"

Villain or Hero?

2010-10-05T07:00:00.001-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

You may have heard [THIS STORY].

Last week, Margaret Matthews, 68, decided she'd had enough of two neighborhood boys (12 and 13) who she claims have been harassing her in her south side Chicago home for more than a year.

She had been grocery shopping and when she returned to her house she noticed broken windows and saw two boys running away.

The boys came back and Matthews stood on her porch and confronted them. Allegedly, they responded by throwing bricks and rocks at her. One hit her in the chest.

She went inside, grabbed a gun and called police.

Concerned the police wouldn't make it in time, she went back outside and fired at the boys, wounding the 12-year-old in the shoulder.

According to Illinois law, Matthews' use of force qualifies as self defense if she "reasonably believed that such force was necessary to prevent imminent death or great bodily harm." The police decided not to charge Matthews. The boys face charges of aggravated assault.

The 12-year-old boy's family told another story, insisting the boy didn't break the window and the shooting was unprovoked.

Some in the neighborhood are calling Matthew's a hero, a descriptor she takes issue with.

"There is nothing heroic about any individual getting hurt by another individuals hand," Matthews said. "I pray for this young man and am so happy he'll be alright."

"I'm sorry that all of this happened," she said. "I hope and pray that something positive can come from what happened to him.

"He might not realize it," she added, "but I might have saved his life, because if he keeps on going on the path he's on someone else may not be so lenient.

"This way," she said, "he's got a chance."

What do you think? Is Matthews a hero or a dangerous granny with a gun who over-reacted?

~*~*~

Happy Birthday to ME!

2010-10-02T16:21:00.003-05:00

A day late, but I was busy eating Red Velvet Cake yesterday! Ohmahgawd, it was soooo good!

A Rare Find

2010-09-24T18:36:00.003-05:00

Indeed.

And I'm not one to swoon over boys. Neither of us are.

You see, we needed a little work done around here. Serious carpentry that was beyond our level of expertise. Normally, My Love can do anything. ANY. THING.

I asked repeatedly over the weekend if she wanted me to get a guy that I'd talked to on the phone to come by and work on it. No. She wanted to do it. Did I mention that we had painters coming Thursday?

By Monday afternoon, she had enough and let me call him.

I expected a handyman. Mid 60s. Pot-bellied. Rough around the edges. Balding. The kind of guy that farts and thinks it's funny.

Oh. My. God.

When he stepped out of his Jeep, I just blinked. He really DOES look like that guy up there. Except a little straighter with the bad boy edge to him.

We've had quite the show this week. Apparently, there's still a little straight part of me left. And yeah, I admit to enjoying the eye candy. Monday is his last day here. Feel free to stop by for a visit....if you like the ruggedly handsome type.

File Allocation Table? Or Just Plain FAT File?

2010-09-21T06:00:00.003-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

I guess they're right ...

Wearing white after Labor Day is a fashion faux pas

Confession ...

I've lost 100 pounds ... twice. Once when I was in my early 20's, and then again 20 years later. Both times I've gained every pound of it back.

Losing weight has never been difficult for me - I've always been successful - but keeping it off? That's an entirely different story.

Now in my mid 40's, the impact of carrying around 100 extra pounds is magnified by age. A knee that was injured - and operated on - 6 years ago now causes me a great deal of pain and limits my activities. My body aches, creeks and cracks every morning as I put 250+ pounds of pressure on a skeletal structure meant to carry much less.

The emotional impact of the extra 100 pounds is equally painful. I try to walk with my head held high, but avoid glancing in mirrors or at my reflection in windows at all costs.

Sure, I get cat-calls - the ones intended to humiliate, not flatter. I have to gauge my ability to get through tight spaces so that I can avoid the embarrassment of knocking things over as my too large body attempts to squeeze through a too small space.

I don't have a difficult time finding someone willing to have sex with me ... as long as I can ignore the fact that they don't usually want to be seen in public with me. Seems "curves" are attractive in the bedroom, but somehow lose their appeal once you leave the house.

Of course, I have a great personality. Like most fat people I'm funny and I can draw male (and female) attention with my brash sexual innuendos. What skinny people don't know is that both of these are defense mechanisms finely honed by fat men and women everywhere.

I've been thin. I've reaped the benefits of a society set up to punish fat people for the unforgivable crime of eating too much, and reward thin people for ... well ... not eating too much.

When I was thin, I heard the fat jokes out loud, instead of overhearing the whispering as I walked by. Men would hold doors open for me rather than just letting them swing shut in my face. I always wondered how those same people would treat me as my fat self.

As improbable as it sounds, I am far more invisible to the world when I am fat than when I'm thin.

That said, this isn't a pity post. I know there is no secret to weight loss. It's a simple formula of eating fewer calories and exercising more - consistently. I may not like myself, but I don't feel sorry for myself. I am the way that I am because of the choices I make.

This post is a reminder - a reminder that fat people are no less deserving of your respect, courtesy and adoration. Unless you are willing to make fun of Jews, blacks, amputees, balding men, people in wheel chairs and anyone from West Virginia, you shouldn't make fun of the fatties.

... or we might just sit on you ...

~*~*~

My Worst Fear. Too Close.

2010-09-16T19:49:00.003-05:00

One of my friends and I have had many conversations about "the worst." When you know how lucky you are. When you meet the love of your life. When things are going so perfectly, even thought they're just normal everyday things. When you love so many people and they love you right back. When your heart is so happy it feels like it could explode.

The worst can happen. It can stop.

My cousin lost the love of her life to cancer. Four weeks ago they told her that he had a couple of months to live. He didn't. Monday night he asked if he could lay his head on her lap and sleep. When she woke up the next morning, he was gone.

I've just returned from the funeral home, where she took me by my arm to see Michael in a suit, lying in his casket. My heart broke right in half as she tucked his hair behind his ears and smoothed his tie as if he was only sleeping.

She wasn't weeping. She didn't fall apart. I am amazed by her composure and how she always spoke of him with love in her voice.

The love that was still there chokes me. And her love was the only love left. Not that she doesn't have memories, but once you've had *it*....will memories be enough?

Only For Shock Value

2010-09-14T19:07:00.003-05:00

Am I posting two days in a row.

After many years of cooking, I'm just now finding out that people are either PRO-casserole or ANTI-casserole. I'm afraid that many of the anti-casserole folks have been presented with something akin to that photo up there. I wouldn't eat that with your mouth.

Luckily, my neighbors are all pro-casserole. Actually, they're more like pro-food. My work peeps...not so much. Honestly, people it's just stuff in one pan that you'd eat together otherwise. What's the problem?

So tell me. Are you pro or anti-casserole?

P.S. Remember, lasagna is technically a casserole and I have one of the best recipes on Earth. If you come visit, you might get a taste, if I know you're coming with a week's notice. Not that I'd want to sway you over to my pro side.

Hi

2010-09-13T19:05:00.002-05:00

I know. Dana posts here more than I do. I suck.

We've gone from pool season and hanging out with "the boys" behind us with their gorgeous pool to almost "casserole season." The cool mornings make for steam rising from my coffee and this is the first year that I've really enjoyed summer. REALLY. Since I was like 11.

Like the time when we all were smashed on gin and tonics and decided that we'd try to do that commercial where the people are synchronized diving. We couldn't even get the 5,6,7,8 right and My Love was doing the counting. On the fourth try, we got it. We felt so accomplished. And then realized that new people were touring the new home next door and were watching us. Yeah, I'm sure we'll be fast friends with them.

Yes, there's a video and no you can't see it, but it looks something like this....

World Suicide Prevention Day

2010-09-10T08:00:00.000-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

*NOTE* I felt this post was important enough that it
needed to be on both Lynn's blog and my blog.

~*~

September 10th is World Suicide Prevention Day. In the United States alone, a person dies by suicide every 16 minutes.

My life has been touched by suicide far too many times. If you are not already familiar with it, you can read my personal story HERE. If you wonder how a "sane" person could ever consider suicide as an option, read Lynn's story personal story HERE.

Most of us are familiar with the immediate warning signs for suicide:

Someone threatening to hurt or kill him/herself, or talking of wanting to hurt or kill him/herself
Someone looking for ways to kill him/herself by seeking access to firearms, available pills, or other means
Someone talking or writing about death, dying or suicide, when these actions are out of the ordinary for the person

We need to familiarize ourselves with the more subtle warning signs for suicide.

Hopelessness
Rage, uncontrolled anger, seeking revenge
Acting reckless or engaging in risky activities, seemingly without thinking
Feeling trapped - like there's no way out
Increased alcohol or drug use
Withdrawing from friends, family and society
Anxiety, agitation, unable to sleep or sleeping all the time
Dramatic mood changes

If you, or someone you know, is in emotional distress or suicidal crisis please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8225)

What can you do today? Visit Take 5 To Save Lives and get involved and become informed. Hopefully you will never need the information you'll find there.

~*~*~

Secular School Selection

2010-08-31T07:00:00.002-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

Olivia Harrison's parents spent a great deal of time looking into pre-kindergarten programs for their daughter. They found a school they liked and started the admissions process at St. Vincent's School in Texas. This summer, each time her family drove past the campus, they pointed out the school and reminded Olivia that she would be starting pre-kindergarten there in August.

But on the first day of school, Olivia was not one of the students at St. Vincent's School. Administrators at the private Christian school denied her admission because they do not agree with her parents' lesbian relationship.

Jill and Tracy Harrison were married in Canada in 2006. They filled out an application for St. Vincent's School in June. But last week, just a week before school started, they were told that Olivia could not enroll because their relationship is against the traditional beliefs of the Anglican Church.

"The canons of our church take a traditional stand on Christian marriage," St. Vincent's School chaplain Randall Foster said. "We didn't want to send the tacit message that we endorse the relationship. We cannot do anything that would give legitimacy to same-sex relationships."

Fortunately, the Harrisons found a new, nonreligious school for their daughter, but they said they are disappointed that their relationship became a factor in her admission.

"What we do when we come home and shut the door should not affect our daughter getting an education," Tracy Harrison said. "We want it to be fair."

Tracy Harrison said that she was raised in a Baptist church and that the couple chose St. Vincent's School after researching schools with good academics that would teach basic Christian beliefs. Jill Harrison, when she filled out enrollment forms for Olivia, wrote in her name as the girl's mother, crossed out father, wrote mother and listed Tracy's name in that spot.

Apparently school officials assumed that Tracy was a man, but when Olivia's parents attended a parents night in mid-August, schools officials called a meeting with Jill Harrison to say that the child could not enroll.

"The only responsible thing was to say this is not a good fit," Foster said. "We were trying to protect Olivia, protect the other children from being exposed to the culture wars and stand up for our theological position."

What do you think? Was the secular school right to deny admission to the child of a family who clearly violated their religious teachings? Had St. Vincent's allowed Olivia to attend the school, would it have benefited Olivia to learn in an environment that admonished her parents relationship? Was it irresponsible of Olivia's parents to consider enrolling her in a secular school?

~*~*~

It Was The WRONG Thing To Do

2010-08-26T18:53:00.001-05:00

But I've been watching Luke Nguyen's cooking show set in Vietnam. It's the last thing I do in the evenings. Watch a 30 minute episode of something mindless.

Last night, he was in Da Lat. And it hit me. I want to go. Be there. Do that.

I already have the travel bug. Again. Last week, I dreamed that I was in China again. After never EVER wanting to set foot on another plane just 8 weeks ago, it doesn't seem to horrible now.

I emailed my cousin. She's ready too. Said it's in our blood. Next....maybe Vietnam in 2012?

Perhaps we can take the train to Thailand and see Boonie!

And yes, I will be riding an elephant!

Dog Tired

2010-08-20T20:16:00.002-05:00

This is me totally wiped out. Two weeks, no day off since August 1st. But that's what you get when you start out with a small company. We have so much work. So so so so much. And I'm beyond grateful. But I am a tad tired.

Grateful for the position. Grateful for the great pay. Grateful to work with wonderful people that I actually enjoy being around. We go to great places for lunch. Yesterday was Wild Iris. Yum. Two weeks ago today, they brought in a massage therapist and set her up to give us all a rub down during the day. FYI, that makes for a lazy afternoon.

That's what I've been doing. What have you been up to?

P.S. That's my furbaby up there, doing what I'd love to be doing. Floating on a raft with a cool beverage!

Ashes To Ashes

2010-08-17T06:00:00.002-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

I have a bit of an obsession with death. Not in a "I want to die," way, but in a "If you bury me when I die I'll come back to haunt you" way. The thought of having my flesh eaten by bugs for decades so that family members can stick a plastic vase of fake flowers on my grave once a year just creeps me out. It won't happen ... not over my dead body!

So, since I was updating my will due to some significant life changes, I thought I'd include instructions on how I wanted to be "disposed" of.

*We now interrupt this blog post for a public service announcement*

Y'all do have wills, right?? If you don't you need to put one together. You can do it online in about 30 minutes. LegalZoom offers a basic will for $69.00. It's important. Everyone should have one even if you don't think you need one.

*We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog reading*

I thought it was time to do a little research. What? Researching funeral/cremation plans is morbid?? Nahhh ... it's practical! And honestly, a little fun in an odd sort of way.

I discovered there all some really imaginative ways to "dispose" of one's ashes. For example, you can be launched into space with a little help from Celestis.

Celestis made headlines in 1997 when they launched the cremated remains of 60’s icon Timothy Leary and Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry into space. For a fairly reasonable fee, you can send a “symbolic portion” of yourself on the next available mission, riding alongside a commercial or scientific satellite.

You can come back to Earth after the flight, or pay more to remain in orbit. You’ll stay there for an estimated 10 to 240 years before reentering the atmosphere in a blaze of fire. In the future, Celestis plans to launch cremated remains into the moon’s orbit, to the surface of the moon, and possibly into deep space.

But I'm thinking I might want more of a celebration than that. I discovered you can go out with a bang - literally - with the help of Heavens Above Fireworks.

Heavens Above Fireworks can pack a small portion of your ashes into professional-grade fireworks and stage a memorial display for your survivors. You can choose a big, noisy, colorful display or a quieter, more understated event.

Or, you can have your ashes stuffed into small, self-fired rockets, so your family can have their own private "safe and sane" fireworks ceremony at home. It would probably be the only time any part of me was considered safe and sane.

If I decided a more permanent display was up my alley, I could go with an Eternal Reef.

Have you always been an Ocean lover? You can create your own “living legacy” by having your ashes turned into an artificial coral reef. Your remains will help restore damaged reefs and create a nurturing marine environment for fish and other forms of sea life.

Eternal Reefs will mix your cremated remains (all of them) into concrete, shape the artificial reef and place the reef out on the sea floor.

I haven't decided yet, but whatever I decide I know one thing - I want friends and family to celebrate my life, not mourn my death - and in my will they'll be directed to wear Hawaiian shirts and flip-flops at the BBQ celebration ... yes, even if it's January in Chicago!

~*~*~

What You See Is What You Get?

2010-08-10T07:00:00.003-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

We've all seen them - the remarkable "before" and "after" shots in diet industry ads.

It's the best way for promoters of weight loss pills, diet plans and exercise gadgets to sell their products, right? A visual example of how you will look if ...

Here's a short clip, taken from the documentary-style film, "Bigger, Stronger, Faster" that shows the "reality" of many of these before/after shots .

We all know before/after are altered to some degree, but shot on the same day? Really?

I suppose the disclaimer "Results are not typical" should be enough, but "Results are not real - photos were taken the same day" might be more ethical.

What do you think? False advertising or creative license?

*A special thanks to Curvy Jones for the inspiration behind this post*

~*~*~

Supreme Court?

2010-08-05T07:09:00.003-05:00

Prop 8 Overturned.

And yet, we'll still have to take it to the highest court in the land. Someday, I'll be talking to young people about this. What a phenomenal time to live in.

Honestly, if you'd asked me 10 years ago, I'd have doubted that we'd be this far. But I was born in the '60s and you just DIDN'T talk about it.

Go be gay, if you have to. We'll love you anyway. But accepted? No.

Someday, and I bet it will be sooner rather than later, we'll all be celebrating a wedding. I want it to be legal when I wed my love. Not pretend. Not "for us." For real.

*Image is of Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon, together since 1953 and were married under CA law.

"I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second."~ Stephen Wright

2010-08-03T06:00:00.004-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

How many of you have heard the story about the 1950's experiment in subliminal advertising at a movie theater where a tachistoscope was set up in theater's projection booth, and all throughout film, "Drink Coca-Cola" and "Hungry? Eat Popcorn" flashed on the screen every five seconds?

The study, conducted by James Vicary, claimed there was an amazing 18.1% increase in Coca-Cola sales, and a whopping 57.8% jump in popcorn purchases, demonstrating the awesome power of "subliminal advertising" to coerce unwary buyers into making purchases they would not otherwise have considered.

And so the conspiracy theories began. Too bad Vicary lied about the results of his experiment. When he was challenged to repeat the test by the president of the Psychological Corporation, Dr. Henry Link, Vicary confessed that he had falsified the data from his first experiments, and some critics have since expressed doubts that he actually conducted his infamous Ft. Lee experiment at all.

So, subliminal advertising doesn't work, but that doesn't stop advertisers from (supposedly) using its techniques anyway. I came across a few examples that I thought I'd share. Clicking on the original photo will give you what those who believe subliminal advertising does work are seeing (and yes, I have too much time on my hands, but not enough to verify if any of these supposed subliminal ads are actually real).

The story behind this 1980's Coke poster is that some graphic artist was playing a joke but somehow the poster got through all of the editors without anyone seeing the ice cube image. It wasn't until the ad was blown up and placed on the back of a truck that "innocent" people saw the subliminal message.

Heineken - You probably don't even need my help for this one ...

I had to look REALLY hard (pun intended) to see anything in this one, but here you go!

As long as the cans are aligned just right, this one is pretty clear ... maybe ...

What do you think? Is it a conspiracy? Is subliminal advertising effective but big corporations are swaying the test data? Are advertisers being devious in their sales practices? Or do people just have vivid imaginations and too much time on their hands?

~*~*~

Make Men Lust

2010-08-01T09:50:00.002-05:00

We were chatting over lunch, talking about crazy things that people had told us in our formative years. One of the girls piped up and said that her home economics teacher had told them not to wear polka dots.

They make men lust.

I get that.

This Is For You

2010-07-29T20:32:00.001-05:00

I am me

I am me.
In all the world, there is no one exactly like me.
There are persons who have some parts like me,
but no one adds up exactly like me.

Therefore, everything that comes out of me
is authentically mine because I alone choose it.

I own everything about me
my body including everything it does;
my mind including all its thoughts and ideas;
my eyes including the images all they behold;
my feelings whatever they may be ...
anger, joy, frustration, love, disappointment, excitement

my mouth and all the words that come out it
polite, sweet or rough,
correct or incorrect;
my voice loud or soft.
And all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself.

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears.
I own all my triumphs and successes,
all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of me I can become intimately acquainted with me.
By doing so I can love me and be friendly with me in all parts.
I can then make it possible for all of me to work in my best interests.

I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me,
and other aspects that I do not know.
But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself,
I can courageously and hopefully, look for solutions to the puzzles
and for ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think
and feel at a given moment in time is me.
This is authentic and represents where I am in that moment in time.
When I review later how I looked and sounded, what I said and did, and how I
thought and felt, some parts may turn out to be unfitting.
I can discard that which is unfitting, and keep that which proved fitting,
And invent something new for that which I discarded.

I can see, hear, feel, think, say and do.
I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive,
and to make sense and order out of the world of people
and things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore I can engineer me.

I am me and I am ok.

~Virginia Satir

Fat or Beautiful?

2010-07-29T19:29:00.003-05:00

I'd like to be situated about fourth from the left. Scootch over, girls!

I hope Glamour does more of these. Mmmmm hmmm.

I'm So Much Better Than You Are

2010-07-25T19:11:00.002-05:00

I don't know what has changed about me in the last year, but people who put down other people really annoy me. I mean REALLY annoy me. The whole, "I drive a Mercedes", "She's gained weight" or "I make six figures" turns me off.

Maybe I've surrounded myself with too many GOOD people and now the crappy ones stand out like sore thumbs.

I don't care if someone has gained weight in the last year. I don't care if you can afford summer homes in the Caribbean. I just don't care. If you have to tell me, it doesn't matter. Show me.

Pass something to someone who doesn't have what you have, expecting nothing in return. Spend your time with your old relatives instead of your friends. Give of yourself.

Do something that's hard on the inside.

Sunday Morning Singin'

2010-07-25T08:47:00.004-05:00

This morning, I was at my neighbor's house watering his flowers. The neighbor that's turned into one of my best friends in this world. It was early and two guys next door were bricking the house that's going up.

Suddenly, one man started singing. Beautiful. Chilling. No music. Just song. I wish I could have brought you all to that moment.

I looked for the lyrics, but I can't find them. Maybe it was his song? While looking, I found this. You can't deny the genius that is Stevie Wonder and Riff.

Cancer. And a request for prayers....

2010-07-22T20:26:00.002-05:00

My love is leaving on Saturday to be with her mother. Her mother is having her entire breast removed tomorrow. It's cancerous. We are hoping for the best. Thinking happy thoughts, but honestly, that's hard to do when it's your mother.

If your Mom's alive, go hug her. Matter of fact, go hug everyone you love right now. You never know which hug will be the last one.

And send up a happy thought or prayer for my Love and her family, too. I'd be forever grateful.

Because I Know You Will Laugh

2010-07-21T01:43:00.000-05:00

I stole it from Vodka Mom. I couldn't help it!

For more On The Rocks, go here.

Can You Do The Can-Can?

2010-07-20T05:00:00.002-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

You know what the problem is with sandwiches? They're too hard to transport. What they need to do is invent specially-sized bags to tote them around in. Oh they've got those? Then maybe a hard plastic, airtight container shaped like a sandwich that will keep them fresh and squish-proof! No way! They've got those too?? Where the hell have I been??

Well, we all know that everything is better if it’s made with bacon, is bite-sized or is put in a can, right? I know! Let's put a sandwich in a can! That way that can of Rock-Star won't flatten your sandwich when you put it in your Bobby Sherman lunchbox!

That's right! It's better than Vienna Sausages! It's a Candwich! You can choose between PBJ Strawberry, PBJ Grape and - if you are really adventurous - BBQ Chicken Candwiches.

Unfortunately, A lawsuit by the federal Securities and Exchange Commission says that Travis L. Wrightt promised returns of up to 24 percent on real estate investments, but put the money instead into Candwich development and other equally untried ideas.

The good news? According to the New York Times, the Candwich concept perseveres. "The president of Mark One Foods, Mark Kirkland, who said he patented the idea of putting solid food in a beverage container with the slogan, “Quick & Tasty, Ready to Eat,” said Mr. Wright promised full financial backing for Candwich production that never really materialized even as investors did. He said he believed that canned sandwiches would ultimately sell, and hoped to go into production later this year."

Okay, full disclosure: I actually, probably, most likely would definitely buy these. Not to actually eat, but to stock my bomb shelter shelves. Really!

What about you? Can you see a place for the Candwich in your life??

~*~*~

Laura Calder's Breasts Challenge Giada's

2010-07-17T11:22:00.006-05:00

Perhaps I've grown bored of Giada's breasts? They've been in my face for years and though I rarely tire of boobs, new boobs have swayed my attention.

I couldn't even tell you what Laura Calder of French Food at Home made on the show I just watched. Because I am mesmerized by the perfection that peeks out of her ever so perfectly fitting dress. Thank you, Canada.

Here. You be the judge.

From China to My Wall

2010-07-16T05:34:00.002-05:00

We were walking along the streets of Huangshan, the city at the base of the Yellow Mountains. My uncle, who doesn't have a shy bone in his body walked up to the lady tending this store and put on her hat.

It's hand woven and honestly, I didn't see another hat like it in China. I was green with envy when I saw him with it. But it was going to be his. I knew it. He always gets the cool stuff.

He talked with the lady for a moment and came back without it.

"You're not going to buy it?"

"She wants 50 yuan for it."

Turning to our local guide, "See what she'll take for it." (they always started out triple what they wanted for anything)

He comes back, "She wants 50 yuan. No bargaining."

"I'll take it."

I wore it through Huangshan Airport, through Shanghai airport, carried it on board and it had it's own bin inside the airplane. Through Newark airport, where everyone that I came into contact with commented on my fantastic hat! I even saw a handsome student in Newark, that I met on the same street that I bought the hat and he recognized me because of my hat!

Then, I was allowed to hold it like a baby on the plane in my lap on the way to Nashville. The stewardess winked as she said, "Everything that will not fit under your seat MUST be stowed in an overhead bin or be checked as luggage."

Now it hangs on my wall and is a miracle of Airport Security.

P.S. Fifty yuan is about $7.50.

The Yellow Mountains aka We Were CRAZY

2010-07-13T19:36:00.000-05:00

Yes, I did. It looks more insane in that photo than it actually FELT walking up there amid the clouds. This is actually a pic of my uncle walking to our hotel.

Hanging off the side of that walkway was this bench. Um, no....I'm not putting my big ass out there so that I can crash to the bottom and make the papers. But I will try out a Chinese photo tip from our guide, Jean. "Point at your cheek! It will make the photo more intelesting!" Yeah, right.

And finally, sunset in the yellow mountains. Wow. Photo credit goes to my cousin and her crappy camera. I was so stunned that I wouldn't run back to the room for mine. I chose to experience the sunset. I didn't want to miss one moment!

Listen to the Mustn'ts

2010-07-13T09:00:00.003-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

Back in January, I did a silly "Thursday 13" post where I listed Thirteen things I'd like to do but will likely let some irrational fear keep me from accomplishing. Some of the things on the list are long-term projects, but some of them required nothing more than a little belief in myself. And yesterday, I found that belief - I submitted a photograph for juried review and (hopefully) public display.

What surprised me was that accomplishing that goal didn't feel the way I expected it to. No, it felt even better! Why??

When I was living with husband we bought a really nice camera for a vacation we were taking. I was not allowed to take photos - husband reviewed my first attempts and decided I had no talent - I was just wasting space on the memory card.

Whenever we took the camera anywhere, he took the photos. He didn't even want me to take the camera if I was attending an event without him. I saved up my pennies and purchased my own camera. Sure, it was a $149 point-and-shoot model, but it was mine! And I started taking pictures, never sharing them with him.

Since leaving him, I started participating in Project 365 - a photo-blogging project where you post a photo each day for a year (if you are interested, you can find it [HERE]) One of the photos I took (the one below) was a perfect fit for the "Black & White" theme of this juried show. I took a deep breath, attached it to an email, and hit send.

Although I'd be thrilled if my photo made the cut for display, it really isn't about that - it's about surrounding myself with people who support my goals - people who give constructive criticism - people who know that if I believe in myself I will believe in them.

It's a good reminder that there will always be people who gain far more pleasure in telling us what we cannot be than they do seeing our joy in becoming what we were meant to be.

“Listen to the mustn'ts, child.
Listen to the don'ts.
Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts.
Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me...
Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”

~ Shel Silverstein

~*~*~

Corn Ice Cream, Where Art Thou?

2010-07-13T05:34:00.000-05:00

We tried and denied some crazy foods in China. But when I heard corn ice cream....I had to have one. I passed on the green bean ice cream after seeing my cousin's face. Looked just like the first time a baby tries green beans. Blech.

OOohhhh but the corn was creamy, sweet heavenly corny goodness! And the outside was cone. Brilliant!

Where in the World is Wonder Woman?

2010-07-06T06:00:00.001-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

Is nothing safe?? Wonder Woman had remained pristine - relatively untouched - since 1941. I realize that many superheroes have seen their costumes go through changes during their history ... subtle changes — Captain America’s shield gets changed here, little sprucing up of the Batman logo there. But this??

Seriously? Is that a Spider man hand-me-down shirt she's wearing? And square-toed shoes? Didn't those go out of style a decade ago? And do tell, what superhero wears leggings?? And is that "V" style belt to emphasize her ... ummm ... vagina?? They even redesigned her bullet bouncing bracelets?? I mean, hello??

What was wrong with the patriotic undies and bullet bustier? Wonder Woman was a classic beauty - changing her costume is akin to making Marilyn Monroe a brunette!

Lynda Carter, in a story from Access Hollywood, said:

"I think Wonder Woman has a mind of her own. And I think she was just kind of ready for something new. She’s got an attitude and if this is the new thing that she wants to wear, well, by God, she’s going to wear it. And I like that."

Well Lynda, I don't!

What do you think?

~*~*~

You're Gonna Think It's Rigged

2010-06-29T18:55:00.006-05:00

But what's a girl to do? These are the names/numbers that came up in the randomizer. Usually it's someone that I have never even seen their blogs, that win. Not this time. Nope, Good Karma reared her head and out popped:

Jay from Cynical Bastard:

and Dana from Amid Life's Crises:

I thought about dumping everything back in the box and redrawing, but that would BE wrong. It wouldn't just LOOK wrong. So, here I am with Jay and Dana. And I'm piling stuff in a box to send to Arkansas and Illinois!

Congrats! You're going to get some crap from China!!!!

And just in case you thought that I was finished with China pics and stories. I rode a CAMEL. Hell yeah. It was the most surreal thing that I've ever done.

Between the two humps, I plopped myself. He got up on one knee. Then the other and then WHOOF we're UP! Way up.

I was the second person on. Six of us rode. We loped off into the desert from the middle of effin' nowhere to a scene of nothing but dunes. It was like being at sea, but with only sand.

Our local guide got a little too close to one of the camels and wore a spit shirt for the rest of the day. I was lucky. I got to ride the Camillac of the camels. Mine had a seat, with rugs and a blanket tossed on top at the last second.

I was so impressed with the guys. They were shifting right. Then shifting left. Us girls finally figured out the problem. Family jewels stuck between the humps must hurt.

My camel seat had an arched handle. You have no idea how important that holder on-er was! Everybody starting griping and bitching about holding onto a stinky, sweaty hump. They stunk for the rest of the day. I roomed with my cousin and three days later, she was going through her luggage and moved the shirt she wore on the "Camel Day" and I could smell it clear across the room.

Lesson for the day: Try not to touch the stink.

You Wanted to See Her! Here She IS!

2010-06-25T04:09:00.004-05:00

After about five days in China, we slowed down and took a three day cruise down the Yangtze River through the Three Gorges ending at the Three Gorges Dam.

Amazing, amazing cruise. I loved the small boat with only 200 passengers. Ten of us spoke English and became fast friends with a couple from England and a Mother/Son from New Zealand.

Absolutely stunning and terribly relaxing. I had two massages. Well, it started out as a $15 foot massage and at the end he offered for $18 more, he would do another full body. OKAY! I'm so easy. Three days. Two massages. My idea of heaven!

This is our guide, the sweetest woman in China....Jean! We were in the Lesser Three Gorges during a small boat trip like the one below.

What a beautiful place!

Nobody Said A Word About THIS

2010-06-23T19:52:00.007-05:00

Yep, you're seeing it right. A hole in the floor. Thank GOODNESS that I work out and do squats every week. Those very squats saved me.

Now, I'm no princess traveller. I've been around the block a time or two. Twenty years ago, when I was in France I ran across these. But just one. In China, they're the norm. Squatters are everywhere.

Troughs weren't AS common, but a tad more disturbing when you did find one. The above photos give you a good idea of the common toilet. Yeah, they can copycat the iPhone, but they can't put toilets in restaurants? I'm still a tad bitter from all of the squatting.

We stayed in 5 star hotels, so we always had Western toilets and even occasionally, rose petals decorating them! I was so weary from being out and about all day squatting that I HAD to take a picture of it. I hated to flush, it was so pretty.

On our way out of Shanghai, we had to be at the airport three hours early for the International flight. Luckily, my uncle bought all of our tickets, so everywhere we went, we were allowed into the President's Club Lounge. It's like sitting out there by the gate, except you have an array of snacks, refrigerators full of all types of drinks, your own bartender, big comfy chairs with hookups for your gadgets. And a damn nice toilet.

Shanghai's lounge and snacks were out of this world, but when I went to the toilet, I knew that they had installed this just for me.

As I opened the door, the lid lifted itself for me. I knew that I'd found my soulmate. Oscillating. Pulsating. Rinse Cycle. Wand cleaning. AND A DRYER!!!!! I blew dry my hiney in Shanghai! And I controlled the heat of it. Damn, I want one of these so bad!

I should put up a Paypal Button for my Japanese Toilet Fund.

Three Screams

2010-06-23T05:55:00.005-05:00

Our first day in Bejing is when I decided that I never want to fly again. A 16 hour plane ride is, well brutal. It began to hit me around the 6 hour mark. As I watched the GPS plane flying excruciatingly slowly across the top of the world, my imagination ran wild. It's 77 degrees below zero outside at 35,999 feet up. What would we do if we had to have an emergency landing? Freeze.

At eight hours in, I was too tired to watch a movie, but too awake to sleep. The baby behind me didn't help. I wanted to scream, too. At ten hours in, I only had SIX MORE HOURS ON THE PLANE. It gave me plenty of time to work on my character.

I arrive in Beijing exhausted and yet it's only 1:30pm. We take our luggage up to the room and meet back downstairs for a walk. Our guide is lovely and I can't help but wonder if Grant would like her as much as we do!?

We walk and walk and walk. At a vendor on the road, we try Dragon fruit, Mangosteen and man alive.....Lychee (pictured above) are fabulous! I'd had a drink made with lychee here, but if I ever see those little jewels at the grocery, you can be sure that they will be coming home with me!

Finally, we make it to dinner and can sit. Oh the luxury of sitting. Just hours ago, I think I'll never want to sit again, and now it is EXACTLY what I want to do. Jean, our guide, orders our meal for us and dishes begin arriving. I couldn't tell you what anything was, but it was all amazing! She went easy on us and had mostly chicken, beef and pork. But she couldn't help but tell us about one of the most bizarre Chinese dishes, The Three Screams.

The diners would order mice that had just been born and a plate of sauce. The baby mouse would scream first when a diner seized it with a pair of chopsticks. It would scream a second time when it was dipped into the seasonings and its last scream was emitted as it entered the diner's mouth. from ChinaDaily.com

From then on, I went vegetarian. I'm brave like that. If you're brave, poke around with that link above on China Daily. It's another world.

To Wear Or Not To Wear

2010-06-22T06:00:00.002-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

I am a creature of habit and routine. Every morning I do things in the same order, or I'll inevitably forget something. Monday morning? I got out of my routine and I forgot something ... MAKE-UP!

I know, many of you women are asking yourselves, "How did she forget her make-up? Maybe her cell phone, or her keys, but her make-up??"

Confession time - very seldom do I wear make-up on the weekends, so when Monday rolls around it's easy to just forget that step of my morning routine. I used my astringent, I used my moisturizer, I brushed my teeth and then I got dressed and walked out the door ... looking like this ...

Now, I don't wear much make-up to begin with. My "face painting" consists of a mineral powder foundation, a little blush, some eye-liner and mascara. The end. I wear make-up because it is expected, not because I think it makes me look amazingly beautiful. And it pisses me off ...

I can think of a bazillion reasons why I shouldn't wear make-up, including ...

I don't want to spend hours in front of a mirror troweling a face on. And what if I'm traveling?? It's $25/bag for checked luggage these days and a bulging make-up bag takes up too much room in a suitcase.
No matter what the make-up tells me it will do, it won't. Make-up isn't cosmetic surgery, or even magic fairy dust, it's just a cover-up.
I think I look younger without make-up. As you get older, make-up tends to settle in the creases and wrinkles, bringing even more attention to them.
Make-up feels weird. You can't do things you'd normally do without worrying about the impending melted face look - like crying or rubbing your eyes.

So what did I do? Well, I was so self conscious that when I went home for lunch, I decided I had better make myself look presentable. I took all of three minutes and did my face, and went back to work looking like this ...

Then I looked at these pictures and realized there isn't a whole lot of difference in my before and after, yet there was a whole lot of difference in the way I felt about myself before and after.

If you are a female reader, do you regularly wear make-up? Are you one of those people who won't go out of the house without lipstick and mascara??

And guys, how do you feel about the natural look (generally, not specifically to me)? Does it scream "natural beauty" to you, or do you want to run away screaming??

~*~*~

China: Day Two, Pearls are Kinda Gross

2010-06-16T19:18:00.003-05:00

Yeah, doesn't make you wanna get all dressed up and drape on a string of pearls, does it?

The average shell carries about 24 of these little jewels. I guess I've watched too many cartoons where there's only one. The wives at home had told their guys that they wanted lavender pearls. I'd never heard of them.

We arrived at the Pearl Factory and watched a demonstration where we learned all about them and then had a chance to buy all we wanted. They're beautiful, but after watching that first image LIVE, not for me. Plus, I rarely wear lavender.

P.S. I'm not ignoring you guys. I have giardia. Ugly. And I think I got it drinking that tea on the second to last day that was just kinda warm. It occurred to me later that it probably hadn't been boiled properly. I'm sick and frankly, it sucks...except for the weight loss. To come home with all of these stories and not one drop of energy to tell them is a bummer. But hey, I'm tryin', ok?

P.P.S. If you haven't entered for the drawing for something from China, just add your name in the comments. I'll pool everyone that's entered into one big pot and give you something cool that I brought back. Promise. Soon, mkai?

Oh To Be A Fashionista!

2010-06-15T06:00:00.004-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

I am many things - fashion forward is not one of them.

I own seven pairs of shoes - 2 pair of flats, same style, one pair black and one pair brown - 2 pair of dress boots, same style, one pair black and one pair brown - 2 pair of Teva sandals, same style, and yes, one pair black and one pair brown - and a single pair of sneakers.

I do not own a purse (I carry a wallet) and I wear the same earrings and bracelet every single day.

Yes ... seriously ...

So when I came across TLC's article titled 10 Trends We Wish Would Die Already, I expected to see my entire wardrobe depicted. Instead, I discovered I'm not even trendy enough to be a fashion faux pas!

I know ... I know ... y'all are curious as to which ones you are guilty of, aren't you? Well, I am here to serve your needs.

Coming in at #10 - Crocs

Ha! I am proud to say that I have NEVER worn a glob of molded plastic on these size 11's. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that the only time it is acceptable to wear Crocs is if,

(1) You are under the age of 4 and cannot yet tie shoes. Once you've mastered that skill, Crocs should be off limits.
(2) You are a gardener who uses them for their original purpose.
(3) You live in a dorm with community showers and can't stomach the idea of putting your feet on the same tile where the bacteria live.

#9 - Cutout Dresses

I'm sorry, but this looks like a circus costume, even on Fergie!

#8 - Leggings as Pants

They are leggings people! Unless you are headed to the gym or dance class - or finished off a fifth of tequila and cannot find your pants - they need to stay in that bottom drawer with your jammies!

#7 - Rompers

Or as I like to call them, onesies for grown ups. Fortunately, I am 6' tall and unless I want a perma-camel-toe, I'll never find a romper I can wear. In fact, even back in the 70's when I was 10 and they were actually in fashion, I could never find one that fit. Who knew that was actually a good thing?

#6 - Layered Statement Jewelry

*Fashion Tip* Just because one or two are pretty together doesn't mean seventeen of them are drop-dead gorgeous! I'm thinking that much bling makes a woman walk like she has advanced osteoporosis.

#5 - Distressed Designer Denim

Really? People are willing to pay hundreds of dollars for a pair of jeans that look like Goodwill rejects? I'd be afraid that if I washed these I'd end up with designer dust rags!

#4 - High Heels and Socks

OK people, unless your significant other has a sexual fantasy surrounding Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, and you've decided to give in JUST.THIS.ONCE, socks have absolutely no business paired with heels. NONE!

#3 - Dressed-up Sweatpants

No, carrying a black purse and wearing heels does not magically make this a fashionable look. Any item of clothing that has the word "sweat" in it's description is not made for a night out on the town.

#2 - Super High Heels

These shoes should only be worn by someone who has a pole near by to help them with the precarious balancing act required to stand in these, let alone actually walk. Fortunately strippers don't spend much time on their feet.

Finishing up the list at #1 - High-waist Pants and Shorts

Damn! I knew there was a reason I should have kept my marching band uniform from high school. I could have been trendy if I wore it today!

So, which of you have committed at least one of these fashion crimes?? Come on, I know at least one of you readers is going to be a Croc defender ...

~*~*~

Jet Lag is a lot like drugs...

2010-06-08T07:12:00.003-05:00

just without the fun part. I left Shanghai Saturday night at 11:30pm (our local time) and arrived Monday morning at 2:06am. Being delayed in Newark for almost four hours was not in the plan, but Mother Nature decided to blast through with some ugly storms.

I have over 2,000 pictures. A ton of stories and apparently, I left about 7 pounds over there. It won't hurt any of those Chinese girls that weigh 90 pounds. Chopsticks have a definite learning curve, but I mastered them! And still lost weight.

Above, you'll see me at the Great Wall. Wow. Seriously. Wow. But since I felt a lot like I feel today, I only walked up far enough to get a photo. I'm wearing a visor because China really scared my hair.

I'm so glad to be home!

****Now, please go down and look at Dana's post!*****

Who's Raising The Kids?

2010-06-08T07:00:00.000-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

A controversial study, published Monday in the journal Pediatrics, concluded that children raised in lesbian households were psychologically well-adjusted and had fewer behavioral problems than their peers. (An overview of the study and Journal Reference can be found [HERE])

The study followed 78 lesbian couples who conceived through sperm donations and assessed their children's well-being through a series of questionnaires and interviews.

Dr. Nanette Gartrell started the study in 1986. She recruited subjects through announcements in bookstores, lesbian events and newspapers throughout metro Boston, Massachusetts; San Francisco, California, and Washington.

She interviewed the mothers during their pregnancy or during the insemination process, and again when the children were 2, 5, 10 and 17 years old (the children in the study are now 18 to 23 years old).

The children were interviewed four times throughout their childhood and completed an online questionnaire that focused on their psychological adjustment, peer and family relationships and academic progress at age 17.

Dr. Gartrell used the Child Behavior Checklist, a commonly used standard to measure children's behavioral and social problems, to assess their well-being.

Not only did the children of lesbian couples fare well, they actually rated higher in social, academic and total competence and showed lower rates in social, rule-breaking and aggressive problem behavior.

So why the controversy? Funding for the research came from several lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender advocacy groups (i.e. the Gill Foundation and the Lesbian Health Fund from the Gay Lesbian Medical Association).

Here's my take on this. I can see two glaring issues with this study:

It was a very small and specific sample group - only 78 couples and only lesbians who were artificially inseminated.
Results of the Child Behavior Checklist were compared to national norms rather that with a comparative sample group - heterosexual couples who used artificial insemination to have children.

Is special interest group funding a concern? I don't think so. Special interest groups fund all kinds of studies. As a researcher, personal integrity is always on the line, no matter who funds a study.

I cannot look at the funding of this study and come to the conclusion that Wendy Wright, president of the Concerned Women for America (a group that supports biblical values) did - "This study was clearly designed to come out with one outcome -- to attempt to sway people that children are not detrimentally affected in a homosexual household."

I'm also not willing to look at the results of this study and decide that all children should be raised by lesbian couples since the study shows they score higher in social, academic and total competence behaviors and showed lower rates in social, rule-breaking and aggressive problem behaviors.

What I take away from this study is that children growing up in a loving, 2-parent family, where the pregnancy is planned, will likely do better than children born into much different circumstances ... no matter if their parents are heterosexual or homosexual.

What do you think?

~*~*~

Bodypainting AMAZES Me.....But So Do Bikinis

2010-06-07T02:18:00.000-05:00

Jessica Gomes In my next life, I want THAT body!

Happy Anniversary to My Fruit Fly

2010-06-05T03:14:00.000-05:00

A year ago today, a random, ax-weilding murdering internet junkie hit me up when I was planning my parents re-wedding. She said that she would help. Yeah, right.

At that very moment, the Universe spun on it's axis and sent me a wedding planner. Do you have the embossed napkins? WHAT???!!! What's your color scheme? Where are you renting the chairs from? Do you have a bout for your Dad? How many roses did you order? Do you have vases? Fans? Who's walking your Mother down the aisle? And a thousand other questions that she asked me from Chicago.

I've never met her. But I she knows more about me than most of my best buddies, because frankly, we had to talk about that wedding and everything else going on in our lives almost daily.

There's one story about kissing a girl that she's still not told me. I'm not bitter much, though. ;)

So, Happy Anniversary to someone that I've never met. She has impacted my life through her words, her deeds and her thoughts. She's amazing beyond belief and I'm so grateful that she found me.

I love you, my little Fruit Fly! MWAH!!!!!

P.S. She's prettier than that model, but I can't show you her pic. You'll just have to imagine how Red Dragon HOT my friend is.

Don't we all young lady...

2010-06-04T14:56:00.000-05:00

Just because I saw there wasn't anything else scheduled for today...

Tuneage Tutelage - Album Review - MILES "As Fast As You Can"

2010-06-03T00:01:00.000-05:00

I am back and once again, sharing some music information while RLL is having the trip of a lifetime over in China...For more reviews like this, please visit my site TUNEAGE TUTELAGE

The band is called Miles and is composed of Marc Plotkin on vocals, guitar, saxophone, percussion, organ, and Benjamin Jacobs on bass, vocals, guitars, percussion, piano, organ, synthesizer, and drum programming. Then they surround themselves with talented musicians like Kenneth Flax, Ryan Andrews and Nick Svoboda on drums, Brandon Sherman on guitar, and Adam Ahyia on piano and what you come up with is a truly enjoyable set of music from this band from Brooklyn, NY.

The album is called AS FAST AS YOU CAN and from the opening riff of acoustic guitar that morphs into a rocking backbeat, you know something is different here.

I have to say it took me two songs to find a comfort zone in Marc Plotkin's vocals. At first his tone kept pulling me away from the music, but then you begin to feel more embraced by it.

As I have said before, I would rather hear the true voice of a singer and not some auto-tune creation of a voice.

Since the creation of this album, the band has solidified themselves as a quartet with Adam Ahuja on keyboards and Jon Smith on drums.

The opening number "Where You Were" puts the band out there with a jaunting riff and a rock back-beat.

"A Little Crazy" might be my favorite track on the album. Opening with a short accapella it then becomes very 60-ish rocker. I kept flashing to Manhattan Transfer during this one.

The band lists its influences as Death Cab for Cutie, D'Angelo, Vampire Weekend, Justin King and Counting Crows.

Throughout the album they bring you into their world. On "Just In Case" they explore that break up, where you want to stand strong, no matter what...

And just in case you wanna leave
The words she chose to use
Slipped right through the armor protecting you
The pain distorts your face
Love never had such a bitter taste

The album took over two years to record and was recorded in a dozen different locations. It show the perseverance these two young men had to get their music out there. All the songs are credited to both Jacobs and Plotkin and they even mixed 4 of the tracks themselves.

I like these guys and look forward to their next step. I will be reaching out to see if they will appear on MUSIC ON THE COUCH as I think their back-story is interesting.

Two from the band Miles..."A Little Crazy" and a more bluesy number entitled "Nothing Wrong At All".

RATED (out of 5)

Lola's Diner: Guest Post by a REAL Lesbian!

2010-06-02T04:35:00.001-05:00

Welcome to Lola's Diner!

Actually I’m a real lesbian every day…that is from the time I figured it out later in life. Once I did figure it out, I called the only lesbian I knew, my exhb’s best friend. She told me she knew already, and was actually awaiting my call at some point. (Later my exhb told me that when I first met this friend that she took him aside and asked him why he was marrying a lesbian.) I called her to ask her how to meet women, where the lesbian bars were and so on. I did begin going to the lesbian bars, but I’m not the type to walk up cold to a woman. I’m shy like that.

My first forays into the lesbian dating world were online. And they pretty much continued to be until I got into relationships. I started out in the chat rooms. Mostly msn and aol’s lesbian chats. I met several women through them. I also posted profiles on planetout.com and match.com. My first date with a woman was "S" who, like me, was in the process of a divorce. That first date sealed it for me. She picked me up and we went out to dinner, then drove me back to my house and gave me a good night kiss. That kiss confirmed for me that I was in fact a lesbian. Suddenly everything seemed…"right". We dated for awhile, but things went nowhere.

A lot of my other dates were coffee dates and led nowhere. I have quite a few dating horror stories. A few months into my lesbian dating life I met "P" on planetout. We instant messaged and I persuaded her into a date that same Sunday night. I drove out to the suburbs, picked her up and took her to a local pizza joint. The entire date she talked about her ex. She peppered her conversation with "just so you know, nothing’s going to happen tonight". Mkai. I think I could guess that from all the ex talk, but I wasn’t going to cut out in the middle of dinner. On the car ride back, same thing…talk of her ex and "just so you know, nothing’s going to happen tonight". I drove her back to her place and she started making out with me in my car. Again, every once in awhile, stopping the lip lock to say "just so you know, nothing’s going to happen tonight". At some point she grabbed my right hand and shoved it down the front of her pants. I think you can guess what transpired next. Afterward she told me that she wasn’t going to reciprocate, but she continued to make out with me! This went on for quite awhile, to the point that I was thinking I just needed to get her out of my car because I needed to get home because I had to go to work the next day. At one point I got out and opened her door, she got out and proceeded to push me onto the back of my trunk, carrying the make out session further, but…not yet to the point of reciprocating. This went on for what seemed like forever until I finally managed to get back into my car and locked the doors and waved good-bye. My mind was reeling…my first ½ way lesbian experience! I got lost for almost 2 hours on the way home. And did I mention that she stuck me with the dinner tab claming that she would send me a check for her share? Needless to say the check never arrived.

Another horror story was a woman from Canada. We chatted for weeks online and she decided to fly down for a visit. I greeted her at the airport with a dozen roses. She had a stuffed animal for me. But that wasn’t all…she had this look of complete utter contempt on her face. Apparently my appearance did not meet her specifications, even though we had exchanged photos. (This from a woman who looked like a punk rocker with black lipstick and nail polish. Not that I judged her for that. It was her demeanor and behavior that I judged her for.) She made it clear with her actions, words and lack therof, that she was not pleased. Being the polite Chicagoan that I am, I offered to make the best of it and show her the city. I took her to Navy Pier. The entire drive from Midway Airport to Navy Pier she did not say a word! Just disgusted sighs. (I’m not an ogre by the way, I’m dating a young hottie right now.) We got to Navy Pier, we were there maybe 10 minutes and she was on her cell phone trying to get a flight back right away. She wanted to take a cab back to the airport, but I chivalrously offered to drive her back. Again, the entire ride there, not a word, just disgusted sighs. When we got to the airport she grabbed the stuffed animal she gave me and threw the roses I gave her back into my car. Honestly, I’ve never met a more rude person in my life. It’s ok if you’re not physically attracted to someone, just be polite and make the best of it. I’ve had my share of dates where I wasn’t attracted to the person, but we still had polite conversation and never cut the date short.

Valentines Day that same year I had a date with a woman who brought along a straight friend. A wing girl, if you will. I thought it was odd, but decided to make the best of it. We went to a well known Italian restaurant in Chicago. My date told me that I reminded her of her ex, who she apparently was not ‘over’ yet. How did I know this? Every time I tried to start a conversation, she brought it up and started to cry. She cried through nearly the entire dinner! After dinner, my date and her straight friend insisted I take them to the lesbian club down the street. I kept thinking this couldn’t possibly end well, but I guess I was too nice to decline. We went to the club…and still more crying. When I couldn’t deal with it any longer, I told them I had a headache and walked home. It was a considerable distance, but it was certainly better than having to be subjected to any more crying or references to how I reminded her of her ex.

I’ve also had my share of dates that ended well and ended up being relationships. Some of them ended oddly, others ended badly. (Do any relationships really ever end well?) One woman from Michigan wanted me to leave my kids to move to Michigan to be with her. She was my ‘first’. (Who would leave their children for anyone?) The second woman, "C", I met from Michigan ended up moving in with me. I had the occasion to talk to an ex of hers. She warned me that "C" had a pattern. After 6 months she’d move out of the bedroom and eventually leave. Darned if she wasn’t exactly right! Another was a woman who I had seen for several months who just suddenly dropped off the face of the earth. No phone calls or emails returned. Several months later she emailed me to say she was moving back to Florida, did I want to see her one last time for ‘old times sake’. Needless to say, I declined. Then there was my longest relationship with a woman, almost six years. I discovered in February she had been cheating on me for at least 6 months, if not longer. I found out she’d been lying to me about her whereabouts. Turned out when I called her out on the lies she admitted she was with another woman. Not being one to bury myself in self pity, I got back on the horse and started dating again. I’m currently very happy and we are planning a long weekend getaway.

There's No Such Thing As Free Rent

2010-06-01T07:00:00.001-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

... or is there?

According to a recent article in the New York Times, Owners Stop Paying Mortgage ... and Stop Fretting About It, foreclosure is becoming a way of life for some folks.

We've all heard the stories of the increase in foreclosures throughout the U.S. due to a combination of the housing market crash, poor lending practices and poor borrowing practices. Usually those stories end discussing the impact of those vacant - often vandalized homes - on the the homeowners who remain in the neighborhood.

But for a growing number of people whose homes are in foreclosure, rather than loading up the moving truck in the middle of the night, they are opting for their own mortgage modification - one that brings their payments all the way down to zero.

Of course, this modification is not one worked on with the lender, but one that is delivered as an ultimatum: Force me out if you can. Homeowners justify their position by claiming the banks created the crises by duping borrowers into taking loans that put them in debt over their heads.

The numbers? Foreclosure procedures have been initiated against 1.7 million homeowners. Resolving these defaulted loans is a slow process, and getting slower due to legal challenges, foreclosure moratoriums, government pressure to offer modifications and the inability of the lenders to cope with the sheer number of mortgages gone bad.

The average borrower in foreclosure has been delinquent for 438 days before actually being evicted. More than 650,000 households have not paid on their mortgage in 18 months. In 19 percent of those homes, the lender had not even begun to take action to repossess the property. In Florida, the average property spends 518 days in foreclosure, second only to New York’s 561 days.

In states that require judicial proceedings to finalize foreclosure, defense attorneys are keeping this number high. According to the New York Times article, one local Florida attorney claims he now has 350 clients in foreclosure (10 new clients each week), each of whom pays $1,500 a year for a maximum of six hours of attorney time to “... just do as much as needs to be done to force the bank to prove its case.”

Lenders claim people who stay in their homes without paying the mortgage or actively trying to work out some other solution, like selling it, are “milking the process.”

What do you think? Are banks and other lenders getting what they deserve for poor lending practices? Is there a moral obligation of borrowers to make good faith efforts to resolve their bad debt?

~*~*~

15 Ways to Predict Divorce

2010-05-25T06:30:00.002-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

After last week's ~~tirade~~ discussion on open relationships, I thought I'd give equal time to "traditional" relationships.

I was reading [THIS] article titled 15 Ways to Predict Divorce. I'm a big fan of statistics ... and George Burgy's definition of statistics:

Statistics: A bunch of numbers running around looking for an argument.

That said, if you look at statistics as an indicator rather than as fact, there is usually at least some value in the data. So what are the some of the indicators your marriage will end in divorce?

*NOTE* If you are interested, the original article gives sources for all data.

1. If you're a married American, your marriage is between 40 and 50 percent likely to end in divorce.

I think we are all pretty familiar with this statistic, yet we are a persistent bunch. The good news? Divorces peaked in the 1980's and has steadily dropped since that time.

2. If you live in a red state, you're 27 percent more likely to get divorced than if you live in a blue state.

I'm just a "red" person living in a blue state. Wonder what that means for me??

3. If you argue with your spouse about finances once a week, your marriage is 30 percent more likely to end in divorce than if you argue with your spouse about finances less frequently.

Keep those arguments about the bank account to two or less per week!

4. If your parents were divorced, you're at least 40 percent more likely to get divorced than if they weren't. If your parents married others after divorcing, you're 91 percent more likely to get divorced.

This statistic surprised me - really surprised me.

5. If only one partner in your marriage is a smoker, you're 75 percent to 91 percent more likely to divorce than smokers who are married to fellow smokers.

I'd guess this is true of any bad habit/behavior. Remember, sharing bad habits/behaviors leads to successful marriages!

6. If you have a daughter, you're nearly 5 percent more likely to divorce than if you have a son.

Interesting ...

7. If you're an evangelical Christian adult who has been married, there's a 26 percent likelihood that you've been divorced—compared to a 28 percent chance for Catholics and a 38 percent chance for non-Christians.

Of course they don't mention that 67 percent of those evangelical Christian marriages are miserable ...

8. If you live in Wayne County, Indiana, and are over 15 years old, there's a 19.2 percent chance that you've been divorced.

Apparently Wayne County Indiana has the highest divorce rate of any county in the country. Who knew?

9. If both you and your partner have had previous marriages, you're 90 percent more likely to get divorced than if this had been the first marriage for both of you.

The article indicates this number is skewed by what they call "serial marriers." I think this number likely has more to do with the fact that second (or third or fourth) marriages often require there be relationships with ex's and "shared" children.

10. If you're a woman two or more years older than your husband, your marriage is 53 percent more likely to end in divorce than if he was one year younger to three years older.

If you are going to be a cougar, just use him as a play-toy!

11. If you're of "below average" intelligence, you're 50 percent more likely to be divorced than those of "above average" intelligence.

According to Richard Herrnstein and Charles Murray's controversial 1994 bestseller The Bell Curve, those with IQs of 100 face a 28 percent probability of divorce in the first five years of marriage, compared to just a 9 percent probability for those with IQs of 130.

Marry smart!

12. If you've been diagnosed with cervical cancer, your likelihood of getting divorced is 40 percent higher than standard rates; it's 20 percent higher if you've been diagnosed with testicular cancer.

Hmmm ...

13. If you have twins or triplets, your marriage is 17 percent more likely to end in divorce than if your children are not multiple births.

I'm actually surprised this percentage isn't higher.

14. If you're a female serial cohabiter—a woman who has lived with more than one partner before your first marriage—then you're 40 percent more likely to get divorced than women who have never done so.

Serial cohabiter ... *gigglesnort*

15. If you're in a male same-sex marriage, it's 50 percent more likely to end in divorce than a heterosexual marriage. If you're in a female same-sex marriage, this figure soars to 167 percent.

Makes me wonder why divorce attorneys haven't spearheaded legislation to make same-sex marriages legal all across the country!

If those numbers weren't depressing enough, feel free to tempt fate further by visiting economist Betsey Stevenson's Divorce Calculator. It allows you to input personal demographic information to determine the probable ~~failure~~ success of your marriage.

I'm thinking 87 percent of people who share the results of the Divorce Calculator with their spouse will likely find themselves in divorce court!

~*~*~

The Lesbian Cowboy from SkyDad

2010-05-24T04:52:00.001-05:00

Brought to you by one of my favorite bloggers, Skyler's Dad.

If you're ever having a hard day and need a laugh, you'll always find something great over at his house! Guaranteed. Poke around over there.

You'll be blown away by this man.

I'll Say Hello To Santa For You!

2010-05-21T04:24:00.000-05:00

I'm totally going to fly right there! Right by the North Pole! From Newark to Beijing. Don't forget to sign up down there if you want to be in the drawing for the "thing" that I bring back for my peeps!

My aunt wants a red silk scarf. I might bring you one of those. Or maybe some seaweed? Tea anyone? Pearls? Jade? It might not be extravagantly expensive, but I can assure you, you won't already have one!

Pack Your Suitcase!

2010-05-20T04:25:00.003-05:00

....and then take half of all of your clothes out. That's the advice that my uncle gave to us all. I might be the only one that believes him. I don't want to be lugging a bunch of crap that I'm not going to wear all over China like I did in South America.

But honestly, it makes me nervous.

I'm a Libra. I like choices. What if I'm not in the mood for the green shirt with the brown capris? I guess I'll get in the mood. Now I need some packing material to stuff in there to take up the room. We can't have Jack rolling around!

Who wants to go? I have room for ONE of you...as long as you're small and don't mind whiskey!

Pray for Jack

2010-05-19T04:40:00.000-05:00

Because he's in my luggage. I've packed a Collector's Edition bottle of Old No. 7 for our guide. Here's hoping he stays in one piece. Otherwise, I'm going to smell like I've been marinating the entire trip!

Is It Just a Peanut Buster Parfait?

2010-05-18T05:00:00.001-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

Can we talk? I have had a very ... well ... let's call it a creative and diverse sexual past. I admit to having been involved in a handful of open relationships in my life, but interestingly enough, not when I was married. No, my involvement in open relationships has always been as the third person coming into an open marriage.

In the past, I've been an advocate of non-monogamous, polyamorous relationships. I've touted the idea that expecting one person to meet all of your needs for the rest of your life is nothing short of insanity. But ... but ...

Is it possible that the cons of an open relationship agreement outweigh its pros? I mean, cheating - deceiving someone you love - feels horrible no matter if you are the one cheating or the one being cheated on, so could creating a system of rules for cheating actually prove to be helpful? Does transparency in cheating lessen the stress of an affair? Is the true immorality of cheating the act of dishonesty rather than the act of sex itself?

The goal of an open relationship is to never have to lie. Those involved in this lifestyle insist that this atmosphere creates an opportunity for incredible communication, deeper intimacy and the opportunity to thrive as your fullest self.

In a nutshell, the idea is that if you truly love your partner, you want them to live their fullest life, flings and all. In open relationships, flings are nothing more than superficial sensory delights. There's no difference between your partner enjoying a Dairy Queen Peanut Buster Parfait without you and your partner enjoying a blond with blue eyes without you.

And what about jealousy? Most open relationships make strong distinctions between sex with others and romance with others. Couples who practice open relationships typically agree to keep their primary partner first at heart no matter who else they mingle with.

But what then is the point of a committed relationship? For me, the whole point is to show your love and commitment by protecting your union with fidelity. There's a great deal of calm and security that comes from knowing your partner is directing his or her love and attention to you and you alone.

For me, a healthy relationship requires you both to bring out your best selves. Sure, it might take a ~~shit load~~ little willpower to resist the lure of extracurricular sex, but this discipline is for the greater good. Calm and security may not sound as exciting as sex, sex and more sex, but I believe it brings far more happiness in the long run. This security brings with it the confidence of knowing your partner is committed to you "till death do you part" rather than until their next Wednesday evening date.

In my opinion, an open relationship is pretty much the opposite of a committed relationship. It seems to be about avoiding commitment, one of the cornerstones of a happy and successful relationship. You may be able to agree on the "rules for cheating" in an intellectual way, but doesn't the emotional nature of love always get in the way?

Looking back on things, I firmly believed that open relationships are merely an excuse for getting away with behaving self-indulgently and recklessly.

Dating is for making the most of your options. Commitment is for nurturing the one wonderful union you've been lucky enough to find so it grows into something incredibly wonderful.

Finding statistics on the success of open relationships is surprisingly difficult. It seems that open relationships aren't something we talk about all that openly ... unless you happen to be an anonymous infidelity or "lifestyle" blogger.

So what do you think? Are open relationships something that work? Are proponents of open relationships the ones that really have it figured out? Is being "kind-of" committed enough?

~*~*~

Ni Hao Friday and Who Wants a Trinket?

2010-05-17T18:59:00.003-05:00

Friday morning at 5am, I'll be on my way to Newark, NJ. I'll get to stay for 3 hours. Then from 12:10pm until thirteen hours later, I'll be on a plane. It really hit home last weekend when I saw A Chorus Line and had to sit still for two hours.

It reminds me of the hellish bus trip from Peru to Bolivia that I took two years ago. And I suppose it's time to relearn that lesson.

Shut up and suck it up.

I'll see you all in about 18 days!

P.S. I'll bring you something back. But you only get in the drawing if you leave a comment or give me 60,000 Continental Airlines points. Then you'll zoom right to the top of my list 'cuz I'll be in First Class!

Chely Wright, Welcome to the Outside of the Closet

2010-05-14T05:39:00.000-05:00

I had a crush on her back when I thought she was straight. She positively sizzles. And she's a lesbian. Rowr!

Thanks for coming out, Chely. And she's right, the quiet haters are the worst.

Tuneage Tutelage Band Bio - The Young Rascals

2010-05-13T00:01:00.010-05:00

Today, I get to take over here and share with y'all a bio of a band that was huge for me as a teen.

This Tutelage will be archived on my blog TUNEAGE TUTELAGE.

It was the early 1960’s and a young Felix Cavaliere (keyboards and vocals) was a student at Syracuse University and playing in a band called Felix & The Escorts. One day a call came asking if he would join the band Joey Dee and The Starliters (they of “Peppermint Twist” fame) for a European Tour.

This proved to be momentous, as Felix met two other members of the band, Eddie Brigati (vocals) and Gene Cornish (guitar) on this tour. As they made their way through Europe it soon became apparent to all three that this is not what they wanted for their musical lives – being back-up to a front man.

After a few months the three left the Starliters and recruited drummer Dino Danelli to join them in Felix’s basement.

Quickly the four realized they had hit gold…As told by Gene Cornish, "All of a sudden we hit magic in Felix's Lodi, NJ basement. We'd all been in bands before and we just looked at each other and went, 'woah!' It was just amazing; I can't explain it. That day literally changed my whole life. I think we blasted through 30 or 40 songs at that rehearsal. We knew we belonged together."

The band found a believer in one Sid Bernstein, who signed on as their manager. This was another huge move for the band as Bernstein was the promoter who would bring The Beatles to Shea Stadium in 1965.

Ahmet Ertegun saw the band playing in a club in Westhampton, NY on Long Island and offered them a contract that night, but before they could move on, one problem had to be addressed. Borrah Minnevitch's and Johnny Puleo's Harmonica Rascals, objected to their release of records under the name Rascals. So, Sid suggested the name the Young Rascals and history was made.

In the member’s own words, the band was about “Marvin Gaye's voice, Ray Charles' piano, Jimmy Smith's organ, Phil Spector's production and The Beatles' writing -- put them all together and you've got what I wanted to do." Says Felix.

On February 27, 1965, The Young Rascals appeared on the TV program “Hullabaloo” where they performed their debut single, "I Ain't Gonna Eat Out My Heart Anymore".

The song went to #52 on the US Charts and reached #23 in Canada. An even bigger break came when Bernstein put The Young Rascals in the lineup of August 23, 1995 concert when The Beatles took over Shea Stadium.

On March 28, 1966 the debut album THE YOUNG RASCALS was released. It was a collection of covers with only one original song “Do You Feel It” included.

The band was on the rise now and followed up their debut single with “Good Lovin’” from the first album, which rocketed to the #1 in both the US and Canada and earned the boys their first gold record.

The song writing team of Cavaliere and Brigati (Cavaliere wrote alone much of the time in actuality), began cranking out hits. Six of the 11 songs on their second album were penned by band members.

“You Better Run” (covered by Pat Benetar some 14 years later) reached #20, “Come On Up” topped off at #43 and “I’ve Been Lonely Too Long” went to #16.

These songs were included on the second album COLLECTIONS released on January 9, 1967 and the third album GROOVIN’ released on July 31, 1967.

In those days, singles were released prior to the album to build up popularity for the album. The song “Groovin’” was released on April 10, 1967 and jumped to the #1 spot on the charts and spent four weeks on top. Showing it (and the group's) crossover appeal, it also reached number 3 on the Billboard Black Songs Chart.

It was around this time that the band decided to drop the word “Young” from their name and became simply “The Rascals”.

In 1968, The Rascals had their biggest hit and their last #1 song with the political “People Get Ready”. Written in reaction to the Martin Luther King, Jr. and Robert Kennedy assassinations, there was some initial resistance to the song, but the fact that it was a damn good song it took hold.

"That the song was #1 in places like Berlin and South Africa meant a lot to me," said Felix.

In the next year the band took a different musical direction that resulted in less than enthusiastic support from the record label. PEACEFUL WORLD and THE ISLAND OF REAL were both more jazz-tinged and the commercial success balloon was punctured.

Cavaliere believed that THE ISLAND OF REAL was the best record he ever made, but the public did not agree.

With little support from Atlantic Records, the band moved to the Columbia label in 1971 but that did not cure the ills. Then personal frictions began to build and Brigati and Cornish left the band being replaced by Buzzy Feiten (from the Paul Butterfiled Blues Band) and Ann Sutton who had been singing with various soul and jazz groups in the Philadelphia area.

It did not help matters and the following year The Rascals were no more.

In 1974, Cavaliere began his solo career with the release of the album "Felix Cavaliere". Eddie Brigati recorded a solo album with his brother David in 1976. Cornish and Danelli started a new band called Bullfrog and later teamed up with former Raspberries guitarist, Wally Bryson in Fotomaker. In April, 1980, Felix Cavaliere released a solo single called "Only A Lonely Heart Sees", which climbed to # 36 on the Billboard chart. In 1982, Danelli joined Steve Van Zandt's Little Steven.

Danelli, Cornish and Cavaliere reunited in 1988 for a US tour, but split soon after and were involved in a nasty law suit over the use of the band's name. Cavaliere continued as a solo artist and a producer, releasing a new album in 1994 as well as playing keyboards for Ringo Starr's All-Star Band.

In 1997, The Young Rascals were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame, but even here, the tensions that tore the band apart, rose again. All four former members of the band appeared for the ceremony, but Eddie Brigatti refused to join the others, accepting his award from The E Street Band's Steven Van Zandt on the opposite side of the stage.

It wasn't until April 24th, 2010, that all four original Rascals gathered again at the Kristen Ann Carr Fund gala in New York after being invited by Steven Van Zandt. Van Zandt and his wife Maureen were honored by the charity for all of the work they've done for the fund, which was founded in 1993 by Bruce Springsteen's co-manager Barbara Carr and her husband Dave Marsh to honor their daughter, who died from sarcoma. Hopes for a more permanent reunion were dashed by Gene Cornish, who said: "I speak on behalf of the band when I say all the money offers in the world could not entice the Rascals to reunite."

A short run for a band with so much talent. Their songs still stand up today and have a special place in my memories…The Young Rascals.

I selected a mix of familiar and maybe not so familiar for TRAVIS' "Five On Friday", where you post five songs - your choice of subject matter, the set can be as random as - I love these five songs - I thought it would work well with this post, especially my doing the five songs inspired me to share their tale. Just hit the play button and all five will stream.

"It's A Beautiful Morning"
"If You Knew"
"People Got To Be Free"
"Island Of Love"
"Groovin'"

Who Wants To Be A Lesbian for a Day?

2010-05-12T08:17:00.000-05:00

I've been wound kinda tight lately. But I just took one of my new sleeping pills and am feeling quite fine! It's a TEST, if you will, for my China trip. I'm about 18 minutes into it and it's going really well so far.

Here's the deal. I'm leaving next Thursday. (Damn, that totally crept up on me!) And this is going to be one really boring place if some of you with really good lesbian stories don't step up to the plate. I'll be back on June 6th. About 2 1/2 weeks with Dana (who's already taking up my slack on Tuesdays) and three boys (SkyDad, Jay and Vinny if they so choose) who like to take over.

I need some stories. Real Lesbians. Men Lesbians. Wannabe Lesbians. Half Lesbians. In College Lesbians. That One Time Lesbians. Only With This Girl Lesbians. Drunk Lesbians. Fashionably Bi Lesbians. Fact is, I'm kinda desperate.

If you have a good story, shoot it over to my via email and I'll put it in the cue to come up while I'm gone and of course, I'll link back to your site. Oh but not too dirty, mkai? Smutty, yes...definitely YES!

Queen of the Hill

2010-05-11T07:00:00.002-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

There's a new bully in town, and she looks a lot different than the bullies I grew up with.

Cyber bullying is nothing new. We've heard the stories of teen drama that goes too far. Although physical bullying is alive and well, it's the unrelenting online attacks that become emotionally overwhelming.

If you are thinking this is limited to teens, ~~you haven't been blogging long enough~~ you might be surprised to learn that it is a growing trend among adult women.

Blogging is a wonderful platform. It can be a creative outlet, a cathartic purge of unresolved conflict, or anything in between. Blogging invites conversation and differing opinions. It also allows a relatively anonymous platform for cyber-bullies to harass, humiliate and threaten others.

I've seen it happen far too many times on my own blog. Let me share a personal relationship story, or relay a challenge I am facing in parenting, and they'll come out of the woodwork - those anonymous (or those with a limited blogger profile) commenters making judgments and snide, hurtful personal attacks.

I believe that all bullying is based on insecurity. Bullies bully because making someone feel bad about themselves somehow makes them feel like a better person. There is power in control in words, and bullies don't care if they are getting negative attention - they thrive on the perceived control and power their words give.

And women? Moms? These are people who have traditionally not had a voice and have, unfortunately, chosen to use their new-found voice in a damaging, destructive way against those very people they should have empathy and understanding for.

It's easy to hide behind the keyboard and make judgments about others, but so much more rewarding to attempt to understand and identify with those real people who show courage in sharing their personal struggles and triumphs.

What do you think? Have women gotten nastier or has the cyber platform just brought the nastiness out from the closet?

~*~*~

Tears for Our City

2010-05-08T11:13:00.003-05:00

I finally broke today. You just can't imagine the devastation that we have here.

This video brought me to tears. And it doesn't come near showing you how many places were flooded. Places that weren't even near water. Places that had never flooded before. Not even during the flood of 1979, when we thought it was bad. The Corps of Engineers declared it a 1,000 year flood. A flood that we should have never known.

Someone said yesterday that it's like a tsunami hit Nashville... and it is.

Last Saturday morning, I went to the gym. It was raining. We knew that we had a 70% chance of rain and that it was probably going to rain on Sunday, too. I cleaned house. My Love came home and we were going to go shopping when my Mom called. A tornado was coming toward our house, so we flipped on the TV.

We ducked under the stairwell and watched as that storm passed. Then came another round, and another and another and it just didn't stop raining.

My best friend called and said that she was on her way home from Downtown to Murfreesboro, since bad storms were coming. She needed to get home to her dogs and let them out. She was literally 10 minutes in front of the I-24 flood that 175 cars had to be hauled away from.

This wasn't like New Orleans where we were told to GET OUT. Leave. It's coming. There was no warning. As a matter of fact, they told us to stay home. The roads were flash flooding. If you don't have to leave, don't. That's why so many people had to be evacuated by boats from their homes. This happened to us with no warning and in a period of 36 hours.

I am very fortunate that I live on a hill near the lake, but behind the dam. We only had water coming in the windows that we didn't know needed re-caulking.

Many lost everything. Every thing. Homes. Businesses. Lives.

Please pray, send up a hopeful thought or whatever you do. Our city is devastated and the national media has barely noticed.

Kindness is Big

2010-05-04T06:30:00.001-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

Over the past couple of years, I've been making a concerted effort to be nicer. I was never one of those "the world is out to get me - let me get them first" people (although I was married to one), but there were times when I knew I could help out and instead of doing so, I left the opportunity for the proverbial "someone else."

Then I decided I wanted to be "someone else." I began wondering how my life might change if I did those little things I often left to "someone else." It was fun thinking of ways to anonymously be "someone else," but even more productive when the ways just present themselves.

For example, a couple of weeks ago my neighbor upstairs was attempting to move a rather large piece of furniture by himself. He had leaned the long section of the entertainment center on the stairs and then attempted to pull the piece up the stairs ... without help.

I watched him for a few seconds, wondering if maybe the unit wasn't as heavy as it looked. It was - he was clearly struggling. I put on my shoes and ran outside saying, "Let me give you some help with that." At first he resisted with a "No, I can get it," but I didn't listen. With both of us working on it we got it up the stairs quickly.

Not a big deal - really - but it had big impact. That neighbor has never said anything more than "Hi" in the 5 months I've lived here. Just last night we had a lengthy (30 minute) conversation about his dogs, what he does for a living, and his experiences living in this small town being a gay man. I'd say it made a difference.

The radio station I listen to - K-Love - encourages its listeners to participate in "Make a Difference Monday":

With every Make A Difference Monday at K-LOVE, we’re hoping that you’ll be looking for ways to encourage someone. The possibilities are endless! And remember… “Little things don’t mean a lot, they mean EVERYTHING!”

It might sound corny. It might bring to mind images of holding hands around the campfire and singing "Kumbaya." But you know what? I've been on the receiving end of unexpected kindness, many times when I literally felt I could not make it through the struggle of life one more minute. I know that being on the receiving end one of those little reminders that someone - anyone - cares can be life altering.

Have you ever been on the receiving end of unexpected kindness? Do you regularly practice kindness in some anonymous way?

~*~*~

Update

2010-05-03T14:04:00.002-05:00

We're dry at our house because we live on a hill, but the devastation around us is astounding.

My family's business center is underwater. My mother is devastated. All of our tenants have lost their businesses for the time being....unless they can work from another location. Last night, my Dad noticed the water coming up from Stoner Creek, which runs into the Cumberland. The Cumberland is drowning Nashville and it's backing up into the tributaries. We called everyone and told them to move everything important off of the ground or to take it home. Unfortunately, some didn't get the call.

My Dad's out there with his friends and his boat helping people rescue their businesses.

And that's the good news. So many people have lost their homes and we don't have flood insurance. It's never done anything like this here. Think a kind thought or send up a prayer for them. They are without their homes and the cleanup can't even start until the water subsides.

I am just so sad.

A New "Friend"

2010-04-29T17:33:00.004-05:00

I receive a text from a good buddy of mine, that's been here plenty for dinner parties,

"I have a new "friend" that is coming to town this weekend and I'm cooking dinner, any suggestions?"

I'm thinking light, just in case it leads to something more than dinner. But, still impressive enough that it lets her know that she's special.

"Grilled steak au poivre with roasted veggies."

What was the best meal that anyone has ever made for you? One of my first dates made me steak with broccoli and maitre d' butter. I still remember her for that!

Image credit and for a great recipe: Choos and Chews

Imagine

2010-04-27T08:00:00.002-05:00

~*~*~

Another guest post by Dana

~*~

I read a lot of blogs, written by a variety of people, on diverse topics, but I'd have missed Tim Wise's "Imagine If The Tea Party Was Black" if it weren't for a Facebook tirade initiated by a dear friend linking to a blog that re-posted Wise's piece.

The closing paragraph really made me think:

And this, my friends, is what white privilege is all about. The ability to threaten others, to engage in violent and incendiary rhetoric without consequence, to be viewed as patriotic and normal no matter what you do, and never to be feared and despised as people of color would be, if they tried to get away with half the shit we do, on a daily basis.

I respect Wise's opinion, but I think he sees just one side of this. White privilege.

I hate that term ... probably because I'm white ... and privileged, yet I take offense to the underlying implications; that I am responsible for the privilege.

I benefit from college education privilege, but I don't try to keep others from improving their education. I benefit from tall privilege (I know that sounds odd, but as a 6' tall female, I command more authority professionally) yet I don't try to keep short people out of management. I benefit from straight privilege (by perception only), yet support LGBT rights actively. I do benefit from white privilege, but I don't hold others down to maintain that privilege.

Maybe the term "white privilege" stings a little more because I have a dog in this fight. My bi-racial son will likely not benefit from white privilege, in fact, I've had to raise him to do better than everyone else to insure he has (hopefully) equal privilege.

If I could take white privilege away, I would, and in my own life I do at every opportunity. I continually point out concerns when decisions are not made from a perspective of inclusion. I am always aware of my posture in social situations and how that might present itself in a negative light depending on the environment. I hold people accountable for their blatant (and sometimes covert) racism.

I have a great appreciation for Wise's perspective and his right to speak it, but I often wonder if this button-pushing approach does more harm than good. Tell me what I need to do to (without compromising my own heritage) to minimize the effects of white privilege. Give me the tools to help and I will. I don't know what the "other side" needs unless the "other side" tells me what they need, and presuming I do only exasperates the problem.

It doesn't have to be "Game over" as Wise states, unless one side refuses to play.

~*~*~

When You Pray for Opportunity and a Challenge....

2010-04-23T05:57:00.005-05:00

be very careful. You just might get it.

I'll be working all day Saturday and Sunday. My Love has been at the beach on vacation all week and unfortunately, I won't be able to welcome her home properly. I'll be being all grown up and corporate and stuff.

Don't get me wrong, I am NOT complaining. I'm just always floored with the opportunities and challenges that I pray for that end up in a big pile for me.

And yes, I am grateful for every one of them.

Abuse of Power

2010-04-20T07:00:00.003-05:00

~*~*~

"Many psychologists and psychiatrists have demonstrated that there is no relation between celibacy and pedophilia. But many others have demonstrated, I have been told recently, that there is a relation between homosexuality and pedophilia. That is true. That is the problem."

~ Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone

~*~

When I read this statement by Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, the Vatican's secretary of state, I was beyond outraged. His statement, that the sex scandals haunting the Roman Catholic Church are linked to homosexuality and not celibacy among priests, is nothing more than the latest perverse strategy by the Vatican to shirk its ethical and legal responsibility.

I am exploring employment within my church - an administrative staff position. The single issue I've spent the most time considering is my responsibility to the church. Becoming a staff member of any religious organization requires constant vigilance - not just within the work place, but in every aspect of one's life. There is an expectation from the church body that those on staff are held to a higher standard. The church body looks to all staff members - not just pastors - for leadership and accountability.

Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, the Vatican's second-highest authority, has a great deal of responsibility and power. Millions of people look to him for guidance. When Cardinal Bertone says that homosexuality, not celibacy, is the cause of pedophilia issues throughout the Roman Catholic church, he is abusing that responsibility and power.

For the record, there is not a single, reputable study that links homosexuality and pedophilia. THAT is true.

~*~*~

Deserving Of The Karma

2010-04-18T14:34:00.003-05:00

I was 21 and just out of my first relationship with a girl. We'd been together for 5 years on and off. Mostly off. Dramatic. Angst-ridden. Heart wrenching.

I'd finally gotten past her enough to go out with friends. I'd hang out. Goof off. NEVER dated. But this one night, we were at a bar. A cute, sporty butch girl was dancing and caught my eye. I caught her's, too.

As I was sitting on the step of the stage resting, she came up. It was extremely late and almost everyone had gone home from the most popular gay dance bar.

Cecilia was there with her ball team and invited me and my two friends to join them. We laughed, flirted and drank. It became later and later.

"Do you mind giving me a ride home? I rode with friends."

My heart leapt.

"Not at all."

She lived an hour from where I did, but I wasn't about to pass up this opportunity.

We pulled in her drive. Made out against the car.

Went inside. Made out in the kitchen grabbing something to drink.

Sat on the couch. Made out sitting up. Made out lying down. Made out against the arm of the...

""Shhh....did you hear that? I'll be right back. I think my girlfriend woke up!"

Totally Stoked

2010-04-15T18:42:00.005-05:00

For the past two weeks, I've been trying to get a visa for the group of us that is going to China in five weeks.

I received an email yesterday from the expediting service stating that the Chinese Embassy wouldn't accept any visa applications until the beginning of the month that you leave. That means, we'd have to wait until May 1st to apply.

We've already bought tickets. We're going.

And now they wanna tell us to stay home?

They say it's due to the Shanghai Expo, which opens May 1st. They're expecting 70 million visitors. If it's anything like what they propose on the website, it will be beyond fantastic!

We have GOT to go. Here's a link to all of the pavilions. I've never been to a World Expo. My excitement has grown to an entirely new level. I am beyond stoked!!!

P.S. I just received word that we're getting our visas. They're shipping them back to us on Monday! YAY!

Size STILL Matters

2010-04-13T05:30:00.003-05:00

~*~*~

*Waves at all of Lynn's readers*

Hopefully y'all will still come visit on Tuesdays even after you find out that I am going to be a ~~permanent~~, ~~semi-permanent~~, dry-erase figure here. Lynn is one of my first blog friends and it seemed like the least I could do was help her out a bit. You know - all of the demands of her new job - little time for blogging - significant life demands. But I think I may have been duped! Seems Lynn may have just nabbed me in her intricate web, to be consumed (so to speak) later.

So, what's a girl to do? Well, I'd say punt but I never could get that dang oblong pigskin to cooperate, so instead I give you Tara Lynn.

Tara Lynn is a GORGEOUS, 27-year old, bi-lingual (French and English), plus-sized (an honest to goodness size 16) model. She earned herself the latest "real woman" photo spread (20 pages) in French Elle.

There have been a few of these fat girl tributes in the media as of late (for those of you who don't know me, I am a fat girl so I have authority to use that phrase) - from the "real women" of Dove to V’s Size Issue (both of which I blogged about HERE and HERE). I have some issues with these tributes, for instance ...

What is this "leaping across the page, singing tra-la-la in the ugliest pair of shoes I think I've ever seen" shot?

And why must there be an obligatory nude shot? Not that she doesn't look fabulous, but I can't help but wonder if this isn't done to to quell the curious "But what does she look like without clothes on?" nay-sayers. And really, don't you think that wicker chair is seriously poking her in the butt?? Couldn't they give her a fluffy white rug to sit on?

And what about this black and white, artsy-fartsy ... oh hell! Who am I trying to kid?? Tara Lynn is just plain HAWT! So what's my point?

Well ... do you think the current flow of plus-sized models into fashion pages is a fad or is it for real? Would using women (curvy) rather than girls (stick-figure) as models be more impressive if they were ... well ... just commonplace fashion spreads rather than part of a huge fanfare of self-serving PR?

Does it matter?

~*~*~

Suicide

2010-04-11T10:51:00.003-05:00

For the first time ever, I shared my suicide story with someone that

I know in real life. That was scary.

When I found out what happened to her, I grabbed her and hugged her hard.

She fell apart on my shoulder.

Sometimes, you just have to hug somebody.

Bible Study is Gay

2010-04-09T06:00:00.002-05:00

*NOTE* With permission I have hijacked RLL's blog today. Since she can't tell me "no" because she's too busy to even log on to her blog, I thought I'd share a little story of what I hope is a glimpse into the views of many of this country's youth ... and a sure sign that my 14-year old son has the capacity to learn that his belt should be used to hold his pants up ABOVE his butt.

~*~*~

I volunteer for our church's middle school ministry and recently, during the small group Bible study portion of our Wednesday night gathering, Cam - my 14-year old son - was sent out of his small group for being disruptive.

As a side note, I truly believe there is some sort of exponential mathematical equation inbred in all children that gives them the calculated ability to find those moments that will cause their parents the greatest amount of embarrassment ... and seize them!

In an attempt to ~~save face~~ look like a responsible parent, I walked over to where he was sitting and asked what had happened. He told me they were talking about gay marriage in his small group and his leader told them that homosexuals were sinners. GAHHHH!

I love my church - I really do. It's the first church I have felt comfortable attending since my own teen years (long, long, LONG ago). I know where they stand on abortion (they value life) and where they stand on serving the community (they are all about reaching outside of the walls of the church), but I realized, at that moment, that I was not aware of their stance on homosexuality and same-sex marriage.

It was quite naive on my part. I just assumed that the caring, concern and inclusion I saw so much of in my church extended to ALL people ... not just all heterosexual people. I wondered what the fear was that would cause a 20-something, youth group volunteer to tell a bunch of 13 and 14 year old boys that loving someone was a sin. I wondered how many of those same boys have grown up in homes where they were taught to love everyone just as God does, but to be sure to find out their sexual preference first so that they knew whether to love them as a fellow Christ-follower or as a sinner. I wondered how I was going to reconcile this moral conflict for myself and for my son.

And then Cam told me the rest of the story.

When the small group leader insisted that homosexuality was a sin, Cam spoke up saying, "Doesn't God love everyone?"

His small group leader confirmed that yes, God loves everyone but that didn't mean homosexuality was OK. Homosexuality was still a sin and never OK in the eyes of God.

Cam then asked, "Aren't stealing, lying and killing sins too? And haven't you told us that God loves us even if we hurt Him by stealing, lying and killing?"

His small group leader apparently became a little flustered at this point and tried to backtrack.

Cam then looked at him and said, "That's what I thought. The Bible doesn't say it's a sin to love. God loves all people and doesn't care who they love. In fact, he wants all people to love each other. THAT is what the Bible says."

At that point he was told to leave the small group for ~~thinking logically~~ being disruptive.

After hearing the story, I realized that I didn't need to resolve any moral conflict for my son - he had resolved it for both of us - and hopefully for at least a few of the other young men in his group.

That exponential mathematical equation inbred in all children that gives them some sort of calculated ability to find those moments that will cause their parents the greatest amount of embarrassment? It works in an even greater capacity when it comes to pride, and at that moment I couldn't have been any more proud of my son's "disruptive" behavior.

~*~*~

That Little Trick You Do With Your Pinkie

2010-04-06T19:09:00.002-05:00

Last night, our neighbors had us over for a cookout, since I've been too tired to cook. I was bleary eyed and exhausted, so I mostly just listened and ate.

Over the weekend, the neighbor husband and My Love had been outside drinking and talking late into the night. During dinner, he made mention of the sex talk they had that night. She blushed. Hard. Red. Head down, blushed.

Tonight, I asked her what they talked about. Apparently he wanted some pointers from the lesbian. And she explained the role of the pinkie.

AWOL.... and I don't know for how long

2010-04-05T19:29:00.002-05:00

I am fortunate. Just when work at my family business diminished to nothing, someone with piles of work approached me.

I've gone from knowing my job backwards and forwards to going in an hour early and staying two hours late to learn and keep halfway current. By the time I get home, I'm not worth much. I'm done. I'm tired. I have a thousand things to say and absolutely no energy to say them.

Tell me a bedtime story. Or better yet....offer to guest blog. Hell, just take over. Jay, SkyDad, Dana?

I am so grateful to be employed. I just hate not knowing what I'm doing.

FYI

2010-04-01T20:09:00.002-05:00

You're never too old to fall in love and you're never too old to be hurt.

A friend of mine is hurting and it's breaking my heart along with his.

When Will We Love Ourselves....

2010-03-29T20:16:00.001-05:00

even if we aren't perfect?

Above: Crystal Renn